My world is Upside Down and Backwards

Hey All

I have never posted anything online like this before but there's a first for everything. I have gone through a rough couple of years. I was married for over 20 years we are currently separated but have not made any decisions yet. I wanted the separation and space, my husband did not. The one thing I asked him to do when we were separating was to not give up on me, that I need time and space to do this on my own and find a way to heal. I had issues when we met he did too. Him alcoholic parents, broken family, mine abusive parents and intimacy issues because I had problems snuggling and would freak out when he put his head on my chest and other things. I had nightmares and night terrors for years. I never understood them until this past year. Your subconscious tells you alot at night. My husband and I were swingers and eventally had a sort of open marriage and life was good we were happy. Then I met someone that started my world spiraling and sent it out of control. I met him at one of our group meet and greets. He just radiated pain. It was so intense it nearly brought me to my knees. I have this gift/curse that I feel people's intense pain and sorrow and instinctively know how to help. I have been this way for as long as I can remember. People in pain emotional or physical seek me out. I connect instantly.