Emotional and mentally supportive

I am having a great deal of trouble and mix responses on this topic above. I been trying to be an overall more supportive in different aspects as much as I possible can with my SO.

I was given an ultimatum because I haven’t helped them.

i was informed that my way of helping is not adult helping in bold terms. Long story short a traumatic event happened and old wounds led to my SO current mindset. They have lost motivation overall and does not feel appreciated aswell as many other things. I have been constantly been reassuring them, communicating with them the best way possible , listening, give feedback when appropriate be so on…

I have suggested getting extra help in inperson therapy wise and we will go together for couple therapy. They go off stating I am not trying to handle the issue myself and just passing her along which isn’t the case. I been verbally abused and sometimes physical when she gets really upset.

I explain to her that what she is doing is not acceptable and continues to degrade me and that I am not helping.

I don’t know how can I be 1000 percent physically and mentally and execute things to get her out of that mindset.

i do love and care about her and I want to do whatever it takes for her. I have been always a phone call away and took so much time when she asks me and overall I take it off so she is not alone.