Long Term Listener Support
Hello lovely community!
There have been several projects in the community that supported the 7 cups mission but were later dropped, one of these is the Long Term Support Listener- Member (earlier: Sponsor-Sponsee) project, which was basically a sort of formal arrangement for members and listeners to enter a long term supportive relationship in the community.
The threads regarding the same are either archived or removed now, as it had outdated information mostly, and the program is officially inactive.
However, we are well aware that many members do like to have long term/ regular support from listeners and that many of us still do engage in this practice, without any "formal" arrangement or agreeing to be a part of any project also (Which is awesome really).
Keeping that in mind, the archived/ removed thread(s) had some great insight on why a long term relationship would be helpful, and some boundaries and ways to make the most out of one. Sharing that information with everyone here, those may still be interested in finding a long term listener as a member or vice versa:
Information for Members
Many of you already have listeners who have been supporting you for many weeks and months, which is fantastic. In the upcoming weeks, you may want to ask these special listeners to be your long term listener.
> While not all of your listeners may be able to take you on as their long term member.
>The tips here will help you to connect with your listeners in a more structured way.
(1) Why should you have a long term listener?
Consistency in your personal healing journey. Having someone you can regularly rely on for support will help you grow as a person
More strong ties to the 7 Cups community! Our community is diverse and beautiful. With your listener, you'll be able to explore the community & all its elements in new ways!
Goal setting! You can set a longer term goal and work towards it with your listener!
(2) As a member, you may consider having a long term listener, when you're
Wanting long term support & personal growth
Looking for a longer term listener who can be there for you in a more structured way
Be able to respect your listener's personal boundaries
Willing to be vulnerable and open in sharing your story
Willing to commit to work with your listener, through check ins and follow ups.
Willing to set any goals for weekly/ monthly, need basis and sharing progress with your listener.
(3) Can you have more than one long term listener?
Yes, if you prefer to have more than one, it's fine also, however it may help to focus on building a stronger rapport with the ones you feel more comfortable with.
(4) How can you find one?
There are a few different ways you can find your listener!
Ask a listener you have been previously talking to and confirm if they're willing to extend long term support to you through regular chats! Let them know you appreciate them and want to continue to work together!
Search for listener on browse listeners, some mention in their bio about their preference and you can confirm if they are available for long term support.
You can post in the Member Classifieds Thread seeking a long term listener highlighting your preferences, areas of focus, etc. Listeners willing to be provide long term support will check these posts and contact you if they find your requirements suitable for themselves.
There is a Listeners Classifieds thread where they can post their preferences/requirements. Please review their posts, take a look at these listeners' profiles and reach out to them if you believe they will be a good fit for you.
(5) Setting & understanding healthy connection boundaries:
To excel, we outline our expectations for respecting and maintaining personal boundaries with your long term listener.
They are a volunteer and therefore need to be clear with you on when and how they are able to support you. As their long term member, it is your duty to openly discuss personal boundaries with them to ensure you both are on the same page regarding frequency of connection and topics that will be discussed.
Setting boundaries is a crucial step in developing a supportive long term relationship with your listener. If they remind you about boundaries at any point during your time together, we ask that you be respectful and kind in hearing them out and open to making any necessary adjustments to your behavior.
(6) Questions to ask for healthy boundary setting:
How many times a week are you able to connect with me?
Even if I know you are not online & have no expectation of a live chat with you, is it okay if I message you when I am feeling down?
Do you prefer to have scheduled chat times? And if so, what are those times?
How long do you like to chat for? 20 minutes, 30 minutes, 60 minutes ..etc.
How will you let me know if I have overstepped my boundaries?
Are there any topics you'd prefer we never talk about?
There may come a time after your listener relationship is established, where your listener has to tell you that they need to take self-care or need to reset/have another conversation about boundaries. They may say something like this to
“Hey XX. I greatly enjoy working with you and I am really proud of the work you have done so far. You have had great growth and I am glad that I have been able to be there for you. When we first started chatting, we agree to chat X time per week. This has been going really well. However, recently, i have noticed you are expecting me to reply and message you at a frequency that extends X per week. I want you to know I am here for you, but I need to maintain the boundary we set originally. I set this boundary for myself and us as a team to ensure that I am able to keep up with the demands of being your sponsor. I am sending this message to you because I care about you and I want to continue to work together.”
If you receive a message like this, we will ask that you accept it professionally. It is not personal at all. It is just how we ensure healthy long term relationships, while communicating and working with healthy boundaries (you get to learn about setting boundaries too, add that as a plus for long term relationships hehe). You may never receive a message like this, but if you do, we want you to know that it is okay! This is a moment to readjust your behavior to ensure a healthy listener/ member relationship, and work together to reach a common ground/ decide the better course of action.
(7) Something to keep in mind about building a supportive long term 7 Cups relationship:
You may need to ask a few listeners before you find the right fit to be a long term connection. If a listener has already committed to work long term to another member, they may need to turn you down. This is not personal! It will happen & we encourage you to keep looking and asking till you find a long term listener for yourself!
Information for Listeners
Many of you already have members you have been supporting for many weeks and months. In the upcoming weeks, you can invite these members to be your long term members. This will give you the opportunity to support your members in a more structured way if you choose.
Why should you become a long-term listener:
You want and are able to support someone in a more long term way
You want to build a supportive relationship with your member so they may have more support through their struggles
Having a longer term, consistent support network sets up more effective conditions for a member to heal and work through issues in their life
Gives you the opportunity to give back to the 7 Cups community in a new way
Helps you further develop and refine your active listening skills. This program can give you more experience to learn and improve your skills.
How much of my personal story do I need to share with my long term member?
The focus of your relationship should be on the member and supporting them through their struggles. As this is a longer term relationship with a member, you may be presented with the opportunity to share small parts of your own story to motivate or inspire them. However, it is important to keep in mind that the relationship is not for the purpose of mutual support. We ask that you carefully consider what you share about yourself, ensuring that whatever you share is in the best interest of your member. This question may also play a role in how you set boundaries for yourself. The goal is to build a professional and empathetic relationship with your member, over a continued period.
Note: For personal support, listeners must always use their Member account.
How do I get started?
- You can ask your current members if they need long term support
- Check out the classifieds and see if any member's preferences suit your comfort.
- Peruse the Classifieds category in the General Support community where members make individual posts.
- You may also mention in your bio that you accept long term members.
Mindful reminders to make this as effective for both parties:
Set, communicate, reevaluate boundaries and expectations as often needed.
Prioritize your self care, and take breaks when you need them, Do communicate about the same with your members.
Agree upon a mutual schedule, daily/ weekly time for chats, time duration of the chat, regular follow ups and check ins etc.
The above mentioned has been copied from the outdated threads, which was typically coherent for the "sponsor/ sponsee" relationship, but may be used to strengthen a long term member and listener support relationship even now, without any formal announcement or arrangement, for one between the listener and member themself.
We hope this helps in establishing some supportive relationships and ensuring you get the support you need. ❤