Words can hurt🤕

Hi,

Recently, one of my parents told me that if I'm going to their parents house, my doors should be open and accessable at all times, or else I am just a burden to them.

These words cut me deep. I was suicidal and ended up in the hospital once, and the following year I was SA'ed by a relative in a foreign country. I was indoctrinated, manipulated and in the end came to stay in my home country. 

They hope to get me married to someone by 2027 after my graduation. They want me to have kids (many in fact to keep the population index smh)and be able to take care of a family, have a career and be independent.

Everyone knows what happened, but they think it's a band aid. They just forgave the relative (except my mom) and told me to move on. No case was filed. 

I told myself that I should just accept this outcome and move on. That it's better to concentrate on my healing, but I don't where to start, when one of my parents (ok, it's my mom) told me those words. I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to yell, but my mind was bursting so I had tears in my eyes and she told me "Your reactions are not normal, you neither have compassion nor a sense of responsibility. If I was talking to my parents I would reassure them that I will do everything to make it easier for them, but no, you are just silent and mute. You can't shut people off, and we are the only ones who will help you, no one in the world would even care what happens to you. When we are gone how will you be able to take care of yourself?" 

How should I take this? I feel tired and upset .