Just looking to bounce ideas around and get some feedback
So for four years, I’ve been married to someone who is 100% emotionally verbally abusive. A compulsive liar who I should have gotten the clue before we got married that he was not right for me. For god sake, when we got married, we’re exchanging our vows and rings. He cried, like a baby the whole time. Luckily, it was just me and him because neither one of us have anybody, but it was still a sign that I ignored. He’s always been searching for outside compassion, emotional sexual attention from other women, and in some cases men. It’s amazing what you can find in your alcoholic husband’s phone when he passes out. But it’s persisted for four years and I’ve been through *** and back for this man. He’s never not one time ever looked at me with admiration and said I love you. He’s never out of the blue came up to me and hug me and kiss me nor has he ever talk to me the way he does the people he talks to on hookup sites. I’m really done I have my divorce papers that I’m about to fill out and I don’t have anywhere to go. I don’t have any money to save up because his mother passed away three years ago and left him a gigantic beautiful mansion that we can’t pay for but nonetheless it’s beautiful and I’ve loved and adored it but it’s just something it’s a thing it’s not mine, nor is it affordable or anything that was meant for me . I loved his mother and respected her very much even though she abhorred me. And before she got really sick and passed away, she asked me if I would take care of her son, and I gave her my word and I tried. He gave up he didn’t want to fight. So I feel like everything I’ve ever done for him was in vain not appreciated. I don’t understand why I’m still here why stayed for so long it’s been so bad for so long. I constantly even though I know then I’m gonna fall these papers and get divorced. I’m gonna leave as soon as I can I don’t have a vehicle, so I’m dependent on him to let me use the vehicle or take me back-and-forth to work because I don’t go anywhere else. He does the grocery shopping he does everything he goes to the gas station to get my cigarettes or something to drink for me because he has something to do on the way because a five minute trip to the store turns into a three hour trip to the store every time no exaggeration every time. I’m tired of the gaslighting and I don’t understand why I still want his love or approval he’s never given it to me I don’t understand why it’s so hard for me to just let that go. Why am I still trying to get something from him? He doesn’t have for me? anyway, I just don’t know what else to do
