I have phobia of time,fun and death. Help me, I depress and have panic attack every day of own mortality.
Time flies when I have fun or busy, so I not dare to have fun and busy too long because I depress that in a blink of an eye months and years grow faster as I get older, and a while I reach old age and die. Example, that day I go to this shopping mall, then like oh what so fast this event happen in 2017, oh so fast seven years ago, then what about the next seven years also just fly by, so scary feel like very real like in a blink of an eye I will reach year 2031.
I dont want time passing too fast, although I am quite optimistic and excited about future of world, but there still got a little uncertainty about the world, and also in the next several years, I will not able or much less time to with my current friends anymore, nostalgia is so hurting sometimes, when I think of several years ago with my school friends moment ,and now almost all of them I no longer contact them, this part is not really sad, but what makes me truly sad is two years ago, when I got same class with two of my old friends in college, and I thought they will miss me, so I go and approach and to talk to them, but unfortunately they seems like dont want to talk to me, they would rather mix with other group of friends rather than me, they seems like just give me perfunctory response. And I do try to talk to them for few weeks, but literally every time is I start the conversation first, and they never like want to approach me.
I terrified of death, I dont know what the afterlife be, is the afterlife a good or scary place I dont know, and I no longer able to do the things what I enjoy or want anymore if I die. And I will lose consciousness forever if no afterlife. I know people say just think death is like sleep but forever, sleep is not scary but why we scared of death. I know I also sleep every day, so that mean actually I "experienced death" every day assume if there is no afterlife. And sleep feeling actually is peaceful,dont have worries,stress,depression and negative emotions at all despite also have no positive emotions at all. But I like dont know why I feel like I want to perserve my identity, and I die, then my all memories,identity gone.
And I think maybe I have lots of nostalgia, that is why I feel so emotional on historical people,buildings and past, even though now I think maybe is better than past, but I just keep missing the past, just feel like that sense of traditional culture or something.
@amusingPond9982
Hello. I am sorry to hear about the amount of feeling insecure, anxiety or fear you must be going through. I believe it is good and natural to be mindful, to look for the meaning of life, and to think what may happen when our earthly existence comes to an end. I also admire people who are open-minded and ask questions, not just "go with the flow".
Would you mind if I shared some of my reflections after I have read your message?
First, where do you feel you are on the continuum between mindfulness and anxiety?
I believe it is very valuable to be mindful about the moment, not neglecting the future at the same time. But is it still good when it makes you feel scared about the passing time? Is your attitude more like looking at the clock, not smelling the beautiful scent of the cake in the oven? Or not worrying too much, but just living it?
Close second thought, how would you see yourself on the crossing between the fear and the faith? In my opinion that is not necessary to be a very religious person to have faith. Do you believe in any "wisdom of the Universe"?
Friends... I know it can be comforting and giving some sense of safety to meet some old friends. But are all friendships for a lifetime? Or some of them (or most of them?) have some kind of the "expiration date"?
We are usually born alone, and usually die alone (and usually both these things empty-handed), and that could feel scary. But how would you like the idea of our lives being in a constant progress, and this "stepping up the ladder" sometimes taking some new friendships to appear?
You said you liked very much old buildings, the stories of the people of the past, old traditions. If we could suppose - just for a moment - that you have already had another life in the past, and that could be the reason of your being sentimental to old things - what could that tell you about the future you seem to be scared of?
Also, I would be curious to know what the word "identity" means for you. Reportedly, when people die, in a blink of an eye they see their entire lives. Doesn't that sounds like our memories and experiences being "uploaded" to somewhere else at such a moment? If this would be the case, do we really lose them?
I wonder how would you see the connection between your soul (do you believe it can be immortal?) and your identity (because I believe using this word you meant much more than just your name or your social insurance number). Why not losing your "identity" is so important for you?
