Another newbie here

(Sorry in advance for a long misplaced wall of whining.)

Hello, I was recommended this app for mental help a long while ago. To be honest, I didn't register back then because I was suicidal. Well, it's been a couple of years, I'm still alive and still trying to stop thinking of that option, and I kind of thought I had to lie during the registration to even try to get any help ._.

Though my most apparent concern at the moment is the depression and not seeming to like anything, I want to start somewhere completely different because I avoid interacting with people anywhere I could - that includes chatting in games, leaving feedback in learning apps like busuu, and I use it as an excuse for avoiding health checkups.

You can imagine how hard it is to write this, right? Not quite, actually. It was hard to make myself start, it will be hard to send it, it is not hard to put this to paper - at least while I'm the only one looking at this.

If I am avoiding people so hardcore, that could mean I fear them. Or something that would happen then. But... it feels different than fear. And what I do feel often comes without any introduction or badge. It feels like I just should not interact, like I have nothing to say, like it would be a wrong place or person to tell - not the freeze on your skin you'd feel when looking down from a high and structurally unstable place.

- On a side note: this might be a wrong category to post this, as most people really just post their hello's here. Well, I hope the moderators do have the power to put this where it does belong.

Anyway, hello world, I'm a negative Nancy that always imagines worst case scenarios, heavily avoids everything life has to offer and then thinks it is not worth it anyway, and that longread above is but a piece of my mind that led me here. I did not use my English for a while - sorry if it is a pain to read.

Oh, here comes the moment where I doubt submitting all that.