I know exactly how you’re feeling. I recently lost my baby boy and i was forced to sign over my rights or they’d basically do it anyways and charge me also…And it’s a pain i don’t wish on my worst enemy…grieving someone still alive is an unimaginable feeling. I don’t think I’ll ever be genuinely happy again. My ex and I broke up recently as well after losing our son and now I feel like I’ve lost everything I have ever loved. I’ve became very insecure and depressed, I lack motivation to roll out of bed every morning. I’ve failed at being a mother, I failed at being a girlfriend, and now I’m failing at being a successful adult. I don’t talk about it to anyone because 90% of people would be appalled by my actions. I wish I had stopped and actually thought about the consequences but I didn’t realize until it was too late. What I’d give to just go back and right my wrongs, but unfortunately you can’t. My heart goes out to you…because the pain you’re feeling is barely manageable and hard to talk about without bringing up old memories that make you sad. I’ll always live with this guilt. But time does heal and it may take years and years but eventually things will get easier, and hopefully when my son gets old enough he will wonder who I am, and if so I’ll be happily waiting to give him all the love he deserves, and hopefully he will forgive me for being a selfish, immature person. And if not, I’ll be here on the sidelines praying about him everyday…💔