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Cancer loss feels so unfair

Coffee77 January 31st, 2021

I lost my mom to ovarian cancer in December. She was only diagnosed in September... She only did 6 rounds of chemo, didn't even get through the full session, that's how quickly it took her. She was only 50, I'm 29. I moved in with her to take care of her, and it went downhill so quickly. I can't believe she's gone And I'm angry because I feel like I failed her. She put me in charge, and I don't know if I did everything I could. I think if you consider the stages of grief, part of me is still bargaining, other times I'm moving on... I just feel like something is wrong, all of the time

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DeterminedFerret January 31st, 2021

Im so sorry for your loss I couldn't even imagine. You did not fail her. Her death is not your fault. Sometimes... Things just happen...

thoughtfulPenguin1993 January 31st, 2021

Awww... we are all with you dear. Don’t wrry..

banana125 January 31st, 2021

First of all, I am so so sorry for your loss. I just recently lost my mom to covid, she just turned 58 & I am only 22 years old. I lost her a month ago today. It still does not seem real. You know...I got covid first & then both my parents ended up getting it. My dad is ok. However my mom went into the hospital for 15 days, 14 days on a ventilator, & ended up going into organ failure. I am in nursing school & I am graduating this May. I struggled with feeling like everything was all my fault for a couple weeks. I blamed myself for both of my parents getting covid & her passing away. However, it turns out we think she had cancer as well, but we didn’t know about it yet. It still doesn’t seem real to me at all, I cannot believe she is gone (so I completely empathize with you). I think I’m between the denial & the depression phase. My emotions come in waves. I’ll be “ok” for a few days & then one day will be extremely hard & I’ll be super sad. As an almost nurse (lol), let me just say...I’m sure you took wonderful care of your mom just based off of what you said (like moving in with her). You probably trusted the doctors in what they were telling you. However, (not sure if you’re religious or not) the doctors do not know everything...God does. I’m not ashamed to say that I was mad at God for taking my mom away from me for a few days; however, I know that is selfish of me to say & only He knows what is best. Nursing school is already difficult, but especially now. I cannot focus on things, I feel like something is wrong in my situation too. I know this probably doesn’t help you any, but I saw your post & I could relate to it. Again...I am so so sorry for the loss of your mom. I hope things become easier for you soon.

Coffee77 OP January 31st, 2021

Banana that's exactly how it feels, up and down all of the time. Also it feels so daunting - knowing how many years I have to live without her. I haven't started having kids yet, and my wedding was supposed to be next year. We went dress shopping together and she bought my wedding dress, bc I thought maybe if she didn't make it to my wedding we would have something, and I'm grateful I did. But like, I have decades to live without her, and I just don't know how the hell I'm supposed to do that without my mom

Coffee77 OP January 31st, 2021

It's hard knowing she'll never meet any of my kids and that they'll never know her, bc her and I were so close.

scarletSummer1201 February 8th, 2021

hi there, I feel for you losing ya mum. I am sorry for you loss. I lost my mum in nov 19. she was I'll for a time suspected cancer. i am not sure how much this will help. but it's not your fault. "we are all born with a number not a name,when the universe calls." at least that's what my mum said. After her loss 6 months later 2.6.20 we lost our daughter. I feel angry too and most days I'm the last person to give advice. so I will just say that for me each day has been it's own challenge for me it's sometimes easyer with time. I am glad your here and so am I. from Dennis

Frontenacs97 September 8th, 2021

@Coffee77 My goodness, my aunt was just diagnosed with ovarian cancer. She has her first appointment with her oncologist tomorrow morning. Pardon the expression, but I have been crapping bricks all day. All my thoughts have been directed at whether she will make it or not, and I haven't even considered how long she'll be here if she doesn't make it. Thank you for sharing your story--it's a harrowing reminder to appreciate every second you have with your loved ones, especially between the diagnosis and prognosis. I have no words for the grief you must still be processing, but please know that sharing your story did at least a little bit of good <3