‘that’s not really rape’
*trigger warning* i don’t know if it’s just me, but when i open up about my experience i get shamed like ‘it’s your fault’ or ‘that’s not really rape, there was no penetration’ and it just makes me sick. you see, it was a bad day and i had a hangout with my friends the day after. that bad day i overdosed on some pills and went to the hospital, coming home the next morning and meeting my friends. i told my best friend that i was high and messed up. he said okay. the day was fun with me completely confused. then it went to the evening, when i laid down on my friends lap. i touched his legs in a non sexual way. he thought it was a sign and touched my breast while hiding from every one else in the room. he knew i was not myself. he did it anyway, even though we had no sexual or flirtious relationship. i ran to the bathroom crying, he came in, locked the door, and took my first kiss and my second and seventh. i didn’t resist, though my mind told be to, because i was so unsober. he got up my shirt but we didn’t go down to the pants as we ran out of time. i was acting so nice. that was messed up. two weeks later i was drunk and when i got sober for some reason i came to my senses. i got taken advantage of. this was messed up. i reached out to my parents and they said that we didn’t have sex so it’s fine. my other peers tell me that i caused it. i was ashamed. i thought it was my fault, had i made the first move? this was a year ago, and i still think about it. why do people consider sex the only way for rape? there are so many ways for one to be upset and it is just the same. i want to learn how to help people like me, and that’s why i’m on 7cups. thank you for reading, and if you’ve been through something like this, know that you are valid, your experience is valid.
@tipsyboyi04
Well irrespective of whether it is or isn't rape, he still took advantage of you when you were vulnerable! If a person runs away to the bathroom crying, that's obviously not an invitation to go in there and make physical advances on them!
This happened to you - so it's what you believe and feel that matters here. Other people can speculate all they want, but in the end, they didn't experience this. They don't know how it feels. They don't know exactly what it's like to have something terrible happen to you, and no one believes you or blames you.
We believe you. We're sorry it happened to you. You didn't deserve it and you're not to blame! We hope you find peace.
CatsInTheCradle
@tipsyboyi04 Different people have different terms for different things. That is because people see things differently due to their experiences. It is true that rape can happen without sexual penetration. I see rape as the taking away of the innocence of any person in any way. People consider sex as the only way of rape is because they lack the knowledge or awareness of it due to their personal experiences. It's a huge loss and it is very traumatic. According to what you say is that you laid on his lap and then he pursued you. You went along with some of his actions but you weren't sober at the time. It is true that he chose to participate in those actions with you. He is responsible for that. I understand that this whole event was really upsetting to you at the time since you ran to the bathroom crying, and that afterwards. you felt taken advantage of. and that you are having conflict with others about this. You are upset and have been through a lot, especially with the overdosing of pills. Thank you for reaching out and sharing and wanting to learn how to help people.