on this site after trying in-person therapy twice, processing and dealing with abuse issues growing up

@Student452

In person therapy isn't for everyone. I am happy you found this site. I am sorry that you had that experience. I can't imagine how it must have affected you. I hope you find the support you need on here with us<3💛 💫

@Student452

Sometimes doing in person therapy isn't for everyone and you have to find the right therapist for you. It's understandable that you're afraid of talking about the things that happened to you even though the therapist is there to listen and to help you understand and cope through these things. I'm sorry to hear about your dying and I'm sure it wasn't easy but it would make sense if you had mixed emotions because of what he had done to you in the past. Which you're not alone in and didn't deserve this treatment at all as a child. Doing things like that isn't normal and is morally wrong on many levels. I also would understand why your mom was in denial not wanting to believe her husband, spouse could do such a thing to their child. It's sad how many parents don't believe and disregard these kinds of things that happen in the family. Minimizing it seems to make it feel better sometimes but in the end, it just makes you feel worse about the whole situation. Many of us tend to truly mask the way we feel because we don't want other people to know that we're struggling. It's understandable that you feel like a mess yourself. We all have crap and messes in our lives that we have to deal with at some point in life. I know quite a few people on 7 cups including me that suffer from insomnia, anxiety and depression. I want you to know that you're not alone in that struggle and that we are here to support you any time you need. I would understand why you would have developed body issues because of the past. it's okay to make mistakes. We all make mistakes at some point in our lives, and you shouldn't be too harsh on yourself about that. We all are imperfect. I hope you find this place safe and supportive. Listeners are here if you need to talk to someone. I hope you stay safe and healthy.

Warm Regards, Kindcherry2

@kindcherry2Thank you for your response. I loved reading it

Hi. I'm so sorry that u experienced that trauma. I understand parts of what u went thru, but mine was a one time kidnapping by a stranger and a lifelong abusive dad. I wasn't allowed to seek counseling until college. Since then, I went thru 9 therapists and none really got me. I just found an amazing one a few months ago, and new to this site, but the additional support here has been so valuable.

Please know that u did nothing to invite or deserve what ur dad did, and u might feel guilty about resenting him, especially since he passed, but those r ur authentic feelings and they're normal! Ur mom doesn't wanna accept it because then she would hate herself for not having stopped it. She will deal with a lot of regret and guilt in her time.

After 10 years of staying silent about my abuse, my brain went thru so much rewiring that the insomnia, anxiety, and depression became semi permanent. It needed rewiring from meds, which I refused for 2 years, then tried. They helped so much.

Anyway, keep on sharing. I'm on ur side! U will get better!

@Student452

you are strong

I commend you for trying to make yourself right. I am 51 yrs old and just months ago finally admitted that I was sexually, mentally and physically abused by random strangers that would watch my brother and I while my mom partied. I finally admitted to having severe depression, anxiety and feelings or worthlessness. For you to come forward and try and get help now is a testament to the strength and courage you truly possess. You are still so young and have your whole life ahead of you. Don't rush the process. Take your time. You are in a marathon not a race. Don't make the mistake I made. Take the steps now to learn to forgive yourself, love and respect yourself.

Not all days will be good days. But everyday that you endure and make it to the next day you make yourself stronger. The finest swords are tempered in fire over and over again, they are battered mercilessly and put in the fire some more. But in the end you have a beautiful strong masterpiece. Get help, endure, lean on others, don't be afraid to make mistakes, your only human. Find that inner strength and courage you posses and let it help you become that beautiful strong masterpiece...