What my SA causes

My family is constantly reminding me of the time o got SAed. From the way I dress to the way I talk. Im constantly getting reminded of IT, even on my socials. Like on my fyp some random SA stuff will show up and I don’t want it. I don’t want to see it, even the word r4p3 triggers me so much it hurts, I just want to scream out a blood curdling scream. It makes me so sick. It’s causing me to not eat, to not sleep, because every goddamn thing brings me back to IT. All I want to do when it comes up is just scream until blood comes gushing out my throat, till it comes out of my eyes, till every part of me cripples. It hurts, it painful. The abuse I went through just so I can be enough. So I could be worth his love, knowing he just used me and abused me in so many ways. I can’t dress the way I want, I can’t dress in the outfit I wore when he went over the limit that day. I wanted IT to stop, stop, stop, STOP. My family are judging me everyday for the way I dress. When I show any skin they constantly bring up IT. I wish I could go back in time and never have met IT. FYI I wasn’t his first prey, he’s an actual sex offender. He did it to a lot of the people I love.