Was it even real? Am I a victim?

I don't really know how to talk about this without just constantly complaining but I was 9 years old when it happened to me, I don't tell many people this but the person who did it to me was the same age... I don't know why it happened, or why I never stopped it, sometimes I question whether I'm a real victim or not, I wasn't forced, but I was uncomfortable, unsure, numb. We always did it in the stair well of this hostel, one time he tried to get me to do stuff to his unconscious dad, we watched porn and then threatened to tell my parents that I made him watch it, it wasn't even blackmail, I think it was out of cruelty and spite. I can still taste him, I remember certain moments, but I feel like it was my fault, I feel horrible for calling myself a rape victim, was it rape? Am I in the wrong?


it wasn't the only time either, when I was 14 this guy felt me up in French class and kept whispering things to me. He wouldn't stop until I broke down into tears, and then he made fun of me along with a few classmates. No one noticed, how could no one notice? Was it even real? Was any of it?