Struggling with medical care

In addition to a sexually abusive relationship, I had a horrible experience where a male doctor roughly gave me an "exam" at the ER. He did not explain why he was giving it (I could have told him I didn't need it if he had), or what he was doing. Fast forward to thinking about maybe having a baby. I want medical care but some things about it terrify me. Does anyone know if I have the right to refuse the internal exams during pregnancy and labor? Or to refuse to be treated by a male doctor (I'd literally rather a home birth than allow a male to reach his hand there)? I am in the US, please bear that in mind it may be different if you're in a different country. Can anyone here offer me anything on this?