Scared?
I haven't gotten close to anyone since I was assaulted. I've made friends but nothing more, no close intimate relationships at all. Everytime someone shows interest I freak out. I never really like any of the guys who show interest, idk if it's because I'm coming up with things not to like or I legitimitly don't like them? One guy from my class keeps messaging me and it's really stressing me out. I don't want to be mean and not reply but I don't think I want a relationship right now... Even though, ironically, I do want to find someone special to have a close connection with. I feel so screwed up :(
@happycloud7o9
Hello there sweetheart. I'm so sorry for the experience you have encounted, absolutely nobody has the right to invade or take advantage of you, and they are very wrong to do that, I do hope you don't blame yourself, because it isn't your fault. We are not able to change things that happen to us, but we are able to recover and learn from our experiences with the correct guidance and support from the ones you trust, I do hope you have plenty of support, whether this is on line or in real life, there are many people here in this community who are able to relate to your experience and help provide some much needed support if you allow them, don't feel alone here sweetheart, your a special person and should be treated as one.
What your describing appears to be a pretty normal reaction from someone who has been hurt the way you have been, it's absolutely completely understandable to feel apprehensive, anxious and scared of being close to someone, but I dont think your a freak or screwed up, I think you need a little more time to process things, talk things through, and appreciate the person you are today, which is a very beautiful, strong and brave special person.. and don't push yourself to hard or set high expectations of yourself. You'll get there luvvie, you'll find a way through, and things will be alright.
Take care of yourself
@professionalPerspective60 Thank you so much for being so understanding and for saying all those kind things!! I do blame myself, I think it was my fault. He drugged me at a party but I should've known not to go, I was stupid. I have a really hard time saying no and the worst thing is I haven't learned because I still have just as much trouble saying no... that's why I stress out so much when someone shows interest. The last several days he's messaged me anywhere from 1-2+ hours a day, the only reason he stops is because I finally have to go to class or work or sleep. But then he messages me again the next day. I feel bad not responding so I always do. I don't want to be mean so I feel stuck :(
@happycloud7o9
you seem to be very caring. It's very thoughtful of you to not want to be mean. What would it take for you to show yourself the same care that you're showing for others? Sometimes you need to get your needs met over others. That doesn't make you mean.
@happycloud7o9
Oh sweetheart, I really hope that one day you will come to understand that this IS NOT your fault. Someone has taken the decision away from you in the most horrific way, took advantage and control over your self awareness, it's a terrible ordeal you have experienced which will undoubtedly cause rippled effects on how you see yourself, and others in your future.
It is YOUR choice who you chose or chose not to speak with, if this person is making you feel uncomfortable, and you don't wish to speak to them for whatever reason, it's your right not to, and not because your being rude or mean, because you are putting yourself first, and that my dear is a very brave step to make. Are you able to block the number? Are you able to send a message saying something like "hey, thanks for your messages, however I don't mean to be rude if I don't reply, I'm just dealing with some things right now which require some space " this way, you are getting your point across without the emotional stress of feeling mean!
I'm really glad you are opening up here, allowing others to help make some suggestive moves for you, but please remember sweetheart, it's not selfish, mean or rude to put yourself first, it's self care, respect and love for yourself whilst you are dealing with other major issues.
Thank you for being open and honest, your doing incredibly well by talking to us. Best of luck sweetheart, we are all here for you xx
@professionalPerspective60 Thank you again for being so kind, while reading your reply I really felt understood and empathized with, I wanted to cry while reading it because so much of the time I feel like no one understands me or listens at all. My mom and dad and brother don't know about the assault but they do know he stalked me, but none of them think I should be bothered by it at all. My dad just disregards it and refers to the experience as the guy who liked me too much. They make fun of me because I'm scared of the dark now and things like that. :( I can't block him because he's on my team in my class at school until winter semester ends. He's kept messaging me... Everytime I leave my phone for work or something, I pretty much always see another new message when I am able to look at it again, it's really making me uncomfotable. I don't know why I can't just say no, I'm so stressed about it. I've had to work some 10hr shifts the last few days(again, because I couldn't say no when they asked) and just got home and I see messages from him.. all I want to do is relax or sleep but I keep having to reply because he keeps messaging me. I think I'm just hopeless :( You've been really nice taking the time to read my replies, I feel really bad for taking up your time and I'm sorry if I'm a bother
@happycloud7o9
Sweetheart, don't be feeling bad on my part, I can relate to your story and understand your experience, more than I can ever tell you, and it's my pleasure to walk along side you with this, if you would rather we continue talking in private, than I more than welcome you to PM me, I might not have all the answers for you, but I can certainly listen and offer a safe environment for you to talk about everything that is making you feel uncomfortable, see if we can together consider some options which will benefit your self confidence and belief. My name is Emma by the way, not sure if I mentioned this? But anyway luvvie, it's completely up to you, I wouldn't be offended in the slightest either way, it's you and how you feel which is important right now🙂 Take care sweetheart