S/A & possible rape
My mom had a boyfriend who we are currently going to court against. When I was 12 said boyfriend made me undress and started touching me. My mom had been with this guy since I was nine so I had considered him a father figure in which my father didn't fill. It hurt me deeply because two of mom's bfs favorite sayings to soothe me were "By letting me do this, I'll veiw you as my daughter" but once he finished it was "It's okay, you're not my real daughter." Because of this I hate being touched and I feel highly uncomfortable around men. If anyone has a similar situation please talk to me!
@Shibabylove
That sounds like such a tough situation and I'm sure the court stuff isn't happening. I also don't enjoy being touched. I have had some flashbacks of SA memories from around the age of 3 and I find myself wondering if that's where my anxiety/discomfort around being touched and around men comes from.
The discomfort you're experiencing sounds completely normal for a person who has had experiences like that.
Thank you, I was able to face him at my last court date (court is still going on after almost 2 years) and I was super proud of myself!
@Shibabylove
That's such a long time to have to deal with this! You should be proud of yourself for being able to face him, that's not an easy feat!
I’m so sorry that you’ve had to go through all this. I’m also a CSA survivor and I struggle with intimacy and being touched as well.
I’m proud of you for being so open and honest and for reaching out to people for support. Just please know that you aren’t alone with these feelings and just take each day at a time and remember that you’re dealing with trauma, so be kind to yourself.
Thank you very much, it has been extremely difficult but I'm not going to give up