Hello tripleawags,
I will agree with AlkalinePandaa on the fact that you have been raped, as you were actually forced to do it - you said no several times and he still did it.
Could it be that what happened plays over and over in your head because your mind is endlessly trying to "find a solution" to something that has anyway already happened, by mentally repeating the events all the time? That way your mind would try to process the events and try to make sense of them, which it seems to not be able to do. As you wrote, you need answers as to what happened.
You might seek and find a good therapist specialized in psychotraumatic events to help you overcome this tough event, maybe EMDR therapy could help you a lot on that (just google it if you don't know what it is). Do you think that seeking therapy could be a good idea for you, and would you be ready to go for it?
I wish you the so very best on your healing path, tripleawags, please take great and gentle care, and be safe,
Gilles