Not sure what's me and what's trauma anymore...
When I don't feel like I want sex, I wonder if it's a trauma response and I'm feeling adverse to it, due to my experiences...
...but when I do want sex, I wonder if it's because *he* trained me to think I needed to be that way and/or whether I'm experiencing hypersexuality as a trauma response.
Similarly, I'm never sure what kinks I have are actually mine or not.
I was abused by the first person I ever started to explore my sexual feelings with, and I have no sense of what's "normal" or what feelings are coming to me naturally. My sexual identity has fluctuated due to that as well (thinking I'm straight, then asexual, then demisexual, then bisexual, then lesbian, then bisexual again...).
How does one work through this?
@turquoiseHemlock900
Hello Hem❤
I am so sorry to hear that your very first experience was of an abuse. Trauma responses are highly complex and not wanting to have s or hypersexuality both are normal. Every response is very valid.
I too sometimes think I am asexual. These can be genuinely very confusing. It's great you are sharing your concerns, probably a therapist can help you get more clarity because it will take time and a lot of talks, introspections to come to an answer to process everything to identify your own self completely. I am also seeing a therapist and after dealing with the current concerns of mine we have planned to talk on this aspect too. You are not alone💙
P.S. I find it little difficult to type some words so wrote s I appreciate your brave post💙
I've never related to anything more my first sexual experiences were childhood abuse and my longterm relationship of 5 years which should have been the place I learned healthy sexual behavior was abusive from the start. It's hard to know what is me and what is the trauma. I wish I had advice but all I can say is I relate.