Newbie - Trauma Support for Survivor of SA - Trigger Warning

Hi -

I wanted to start of with a trigger warning. I haven't posted anything like this before and usually just share with my past therapists or closest family members. I hadn't really felt the need to share this until I found myself triggered today.

As a little girl I encountered a lot of trauma. I was molested by my grandma, encountered a predator at an amusement park (my mom rescued me before anything happened), groped by an old man in the middle of church, I'd had predators send vulgar messages to me as a kid which felt creepy, and was almost kidnapped at school. In my late teens to early twenties, I was held by knife-point twice. One time I was able to escape and the other time I wasn't and was SA/attacked.

Anyway - I'd pretty much recovered from all that or thought I had. I've had years of therapy to work through some trauma and haven't had any triggers. Today, I decided to join an online chat service of which I will not name. The chat service is meant to help people work through any emotional or mental support needed. Instead my original inquiry was disregarded and went in a direction I couldn't have predicted. The coach/support chat person instead asked if I would be interested in a much different type of chat service. I felt disgusted, embarrassed and maybe even prudish. Part of me feels like this shouldn't bother me and it's only a chat service. The other part of me feels like I was brought back to being 4-years old and not being able to stop what was happening to me or what I did to deserve it.

I apologize if this post came off as whiny or needy...I just feel like I'm in shock.

I guess if anyone else has had SA and felt like they recovered only to have one trigger bring it all back - how did you handle it? I feel like I should have recovered by now and I'm upset at myself for breaking over something as simple as a chat service gone wrong.

Anyway, thank you for reading. I wish you all well.