My abuse happened online.
i dont know if it's valid or not, but yes, i did get sexually assaulted online. multiple times. but this one time just keeps playing over and over again in my head and i want it to stop so bad. for context, i was 18 (almost 19) of this year, and he is 28 and married. he started coming onto me strong and i was like "okay um... sure" and just went with it due to past trauma and being used to giving in. one night he just wants to video call, and he persists until he gets me to take my hoodie off. now, i am nonbinary so i just wear bralettes since they make me feel better, so it was like a sports bra of sorts. after the call, he was just very awkward. i was blinded by my choice of having him as my Favorite Person that i just tried keeping contact with him until i realized that i just got myself into another traumatizing event. it haunts me to this day...
I'm so sorry to hear of your experience - nobody is here to judge you or what you have been through, but in my experience, trust your feelings and your own judgement in interpreting that this was an abusive situation, where your abuser took advantage of you in a significant and clearly distressing manner. I can empathize with your sense of being haunted by this abuse, having been through something similar myself a long time ago. The only thing I can say is that I've found it really important to give myself time to process what I've been through, to let my body and mind deal with the thoughts, feelings, emotions and sensations (and don't forget, the flashbacks!). Time that sometimes is really hard to find, but the more you concentrate on self care, looking after no. 1, the more you will be in an emotionally ready state to move forward. With all my best wishes, Grits
@crowbornewonder
I'm very sorry for what you went through. It's entirely understandable that you may feel traumatised and hurt by this. I have also gone through similar situations, growing up as a naive child on the internet. I too did not come to realise that the way I was being treated was inappropriate, till it was too late, and the pain had already left its mark. I often try to drown these memories, but of course, that's not how one can heal. We have to accept that sometimes, things happen at a time where we simply do not know any better. It is not your fault, nor is it a shame or burden that you must carry with you.
We all feel your pain with you. Please be kind to yourself, and know that you are not alone.
All the love and healing, Phoenix.
