I was asulted at 8 y/o

I never talked much about it, only three people in my life know about this and two of them are online, I struggled for years with sexuality and touching as I always felt ashamed of my own body to the point of not being able to look at it, I never knew why I was like this, I remember something happened, but I didn't know what.

One day, everything just came back, I remember him, I remembered the old abounded house, the small room and what happened, my reaction to this wasn't crying, it was just confusion, how the *** does nobody of my family know about this, it's not something to go so unnoticed, I even found a picture of that day that my dad took of me with the clothes I was asulted on and my face is just horrified even with my face smiling no way you can't sense something is off, I feel super disappointed and yeg glad that nobody knew, but it's a weigh always on my shoulder, my dreams has been disoriented since then, I remember the words he said, "Relax, don't be afraid, just wait" it repeats over and over in my head, and the shocking thing about it, is it wasn't my only assault