I found him on Facebook and I’m still scared of him
I found him. He was married and happy with a baby. Not, in jail gross, or being a loser like I’d hoped. He had a wife - she looked happy not scared. And a baby girl. I’m only now realizing being scared of him isn’t normal. The fact that I cried afterwards… wasn’t normal. When I said no and he didn’t listen… that wasn’t normal.
i hate him. I want bad things to happen to him. But instead he is a happy father. I’m not this person - I’m not one to wish hate or evil. I try not to be. I want to move on. I don’t know how.
i can’t believe I just.realized. I was orally raped and molested. All these years I told myself I must have been ok with it. Because I didn’t get up and leave the house till after it was over. Maybe this was a way to feel like I had control over the situation. He was evil to me. And he was supposed to be my boyfriend. I was only 17 and he was 22. I trusted him. I was a fool.
for years I was disgusted and ashamed. Sometimes the memory would creep into my head and I would shoved it down. I blamed myself. I’m so lost by it all. Is this where my fears started taking over my life? I hate him. So. So. Much. I want an apology from him. He made me feel like I was worthless because I wouldn’t let him have sex with me. He cheated on me afterwards and when I broke up with him he treated me like I was some crazy female. So. Many. Lies. He just wanted to have me not to love me. I was so young. I thought I was so smart and mature.
i want to ruin his life. But I never would. Is this the beginning stages of healing for me? Acknowledging the truth? Can I move on?
@Frostwood
Hey, I know how this feels. I've been in a relationship with someone who forced me to have sex with him. I woke up each day dreading that he'd force me again. I stopped replying to his texts because they turned sexual every second. I know.
I wanted him to end up in jail somehow but guess what, he ended up in the role of a society man. I left my country to study and when I came back here for the first time, I wanted to run away again.
But I didn't.
I woke up each day, knowing that I'll face him in a bar or a party but I went anyway. My therapist told me once that "It's not them. It's you. You've got to forgive yourself. It's only about you."
I want you to ponder upon this too.
I know that both of us were wronged but right now, I want you to focus on YOU.
Before we begin healing from a relationship, especially a violent one, we need to look at three domains. You, The Relationship, and the Future.
Let's begin with the first one.
You know about the five stages – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
This is how we heal and I want you to let this anger flow. Let yourself be free.
Feel free to PM me anytime. I'm here for you, okay?
Love 💙💜
Child safety soldiers on *** does exposure for closure. 🙏
