I feel totally ashamed and guilty

Hi there! I don't know how to begin... This happened to me a year ago. Some night I was out and found a guy that I had seen in the disco before, actually a friend of mine was kind of obsessed with him, I was drinking but I thought I had my mind clear. So when the place closes I just go to say hello and good bye anf he tells me "come on I'll take you home" I was so tired that I said alright. So as soon as we start moving i said this is not the way to my home anf he said trust I have to leave something and then i take you home. So he ask me to go with him to an appointment and I was an idiot and didn't say no. He offers me a beer and I said no, then he said drink and I take you home, so I did. Next thing I know, he is pushing me through a wall and kissing me I kissed him back but pulled him away and said no. But you kissed so good he said, and kissed me back and I said no again (i even mentioned my friend liking him, what an idiot I just didn't want to have sex with him). So he puts his hand under my skirt and touched me, I took his hand out and vanished. He took me to a sofa and I felt asleep Then I woke up because I was shaking because he was using my hands for a hand job. I didn't think we had sex or that's what I want to think being a +30 years old virgin. I did have blod in my panties though, but my period was about to come. What I would like to know is how can I forgive myself? How can I trust myself again? And I have remembered this everyday since then, I just wish a day of not remembering, just one...