I don't know what to do anymore

I had just moved to a new state and was in my last semester of 8th grade, when a classmate molested me. My grades went from A's and B's to D's and F's. I almost didn't pass the 8th grade. I went on to high school and 3 months into high school I was digitally raped ( when a guy fingers you without your consent ) I pushed it so far out of my mind that I barely thought about it and never told anyone. The summer before my senior year I was at a summer camp and I completely broke down randomly. I didn't tell anyone till the beginning of my senior year. Now a sophomore in college, I'm just now getting intensive therapy and the panic attacks are getting worse and worse as I talk about it and I don't know what to do. I got diagnosed with severe depression, insomnia, generalized anxiety, and ptsd. And I tend to have suicidal thoughts because the guy told me I didn't matter and that people would be better off without me. I still see him from time to time and freeze as soon as I see his face. Does anyone else feel like this?