Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

How much should I tell her? - Sharing my experiences with a fellow survivor.

Roslyn992 May 2nd, 2018
.

Hi all, so I'm relatively new here. I'm sorry if this is the wrong place for a question like this.

So I'll start with my story. I was 16 and at a party when I was assaulted. He was on drugs and he put something in my drink. I'm not going to put any more detail than that. Afterwards I was scared and I didn't know what to do so I didn't do anything. A year later I found out that he had gone to trial for doing the same thing to another girl, except she was 13. I tried going to a councellor then because I was really struggling, but that councellor got my school involved and the school went to the police. I hadn't given anyone any details, and because the school knew I had difficult things going on at home they made some pretty awful connections that didn't exist. I haven't been able to go back to councelling since. Life moved on and some other stuff happened, but that's not really relevant to this question.

So fast forward and now I'm 25. There's a girl at work who has gone through some similar stuff. She's moved away from where she was living because she was assaulted by someone in the workplace. She did go and get medical and legal help right away, but they couldn't make a case against him. When we met she was struggling looking for help, therapy, councelling etc. She recently found out that the individual in question had been arrested for the same thing again, and that the police were reopening her case. So I feel like we have a lot in common. She has tried group therapy which wasn't working for her. I think part of that was because everyone in her group was really stuck, and she was functioning on a day-to-day scale much better than they were, but wasn't really processing her emotions at all. It sounded like they rejected her because she wasn't dealing with things in the same way, and she couldn't really understand their process either. She got scared that so many of them had been stuck in the same place for so long. I thought about telling her about what had happened to me then. I can't say I've 'moved on,' because I don't things will ever be the same, but I can live my life now in my own way, and I thought that maybe that was an example that she needed. She left group therapy and started seeing a councellor but that councellor basically told her that she was partly to blame for what happened to her so she stopped going. She's just been dropped by a second councellor who thought that she wasn't 'ready' for councelling.

It's become very difficult for me to be objective with this. I don't want my negative experience with councelling to get in the way of Lizzie getting the help that she needs. I've thought a lot about letting her know what happened to me but I just don't know what to do. I'm really angry for her because she's been so badly let down by the system. If anyone has any advice I'd really apprecaite it.

Also, the first part of this story I've told to about 4 people and now I've put it down on the internet so yeah. Scary stuff...

2
frothyPeace19 May 4th, 2018
.

@Roslyn992 Hello Madam, I am sorry for what happened to you and her. Hope you are hoding up well. About share, actually its your choice but how much can you actually share? she is also in a similar situation as you and you would be able to connect with her. When you are sharing maybe you can tell how you copes and got to move past it. I can understand its scary and it is not something you can forget and move on with life but you are much better than 9 years ago.

You can always try to talk to someone here so that you dont feel scared about talking to her.

Best Regards.

rozie May 5th, 2018
.

@Roslyn992

I think it is good that you are sharing this here and you ask an important question.Sounds like you've been through a really tough time yourself and I'm sorry you had to endure this and that counselling wasn't possible for you. But as you say life has moved on and now you wonder whether sharing some of your story would help Lizzie. You know being understood can make a big difference, and who better to understand you than someone who has been through a similar situation.So to be alongside her and tell her that you know what its like. It doesn't mean you need to tell all the details, just what seems helpful for her. And then to listen to her. As far as your negative experience with counselling is concerned it sounds like it was to do with circumstances at the time,and this doesn't need to affect that she may be able to benefit from counselling. I think she may well need and appreciate your support.