Myths & Truths about Rape

With a court trial coming up heres what you need to know and remember as a victim of sexual assault What is a myth?A myth is a false idea that many people believe to be true.

In many societies all over the world, people have believed and still believe in myths about what rape is and what causes it. Many countries world-wide have now shiftedthe legal definition of rape from upholding rape myths (false ideas) to what rape really is.Sadly though, many men and women still hold onto harmful myths about rape.

Why are rape myths so harmful?

Myths lead people to blame women (or men). We think that she/hewas ?asking to be raped?. Instead of holding the rapist responsible for the rape, we blame the victim. In court, defense lawyers can also use myths to attempt to undermine the testimony of the survivor. This can prevent justice from being done because the effect of these myths is to make people doubt what the victim says. If you remember this, then the defense lawyers words won't harm you as much, it is their job to defend their client, they owe an obligation to serve their client- not you. You need to get your own support network with you to strengthen you. Those myths cause people to think that ?she/he was not really raped?. This can mean that the victim does not get the support she needs from people around her/him. It can also make officials in the criminal justice system doubt her/his testimony, preventing justice from being done.
Myths make rape survivors feel too ashamed or too guilty to report the rape or to share it with friends and family. The survivor ends up isolated and does not get the support he or she needs to help him/herrecover from the trauma of the rape. Studies estimate that only one in nine survivors report rape. This means that most rapists walk freely among us, unpunished and ready to re-offend.
Myths hide the fact that a rapist can come from any race, social class or environment. It makes us feel more distrustful or afraid of certain people based on stereotypes and prejudice, not based on the facts of the situation. It makes us believe that we can tell what makes someone a rapist when this is not the case.
Myths make us believe that we can prevent rape from happening to us. This stops us from addressing the real sources of the problem, for example people?s attitudes to violence and to relationships between men and women, also known as gender relations.

Myths take away the dignity and humanity of the survivor, causing her more trauma and pain and lowering her chances of recovery. Myths also prevent many rapists from being prosecuted. It is vital that all of us in society reject these myths, so that survivors may fully recover and more rapists be convicted.

Note: Many of these myths and facts refer to rape between a man and a woman and the ideas that people have about this. It is important to realize that rape can happen between same sex partners as well and that thinking that rape can only happen between a man and a woman is also a myth. In certain rare instances women have been known to rape men. It is important to remember that each rape is unique even as we generalize about it. Those stereotypes are just a way for people to feel more comfortable in their own bubbles, and distance themselves from the truth that ANYONE can get raped regardless of how they look, dress, their social status, theirsexual orientation, andhow theybehave and react to the circumstance of being raped - NO NOT EVERYONE FIGHTS BACK AND IN MANY CIRCUMSTANCES IT IS SAFER TO NOT FIGHT BACK.

MYTH: A woman who gets drunk is inviting rape.

The truth is that both men and women sometimes get drunk ? it is not a crime to drink, it is a crime to rape.

TRUTH: A person that is too drunk is incapable of consenting to sex; sex without consent is rape.

MYTH: It?s not rape if a woman wears revealing clothing, because then she wants sex.

Sex without consent is always rape, no matter what the circumstances. Just because a woman wears a short skirt or a revealing top does not always mean that she is sending out a signal that she is available for sex. A woman always has the right to choose if, when and with whom she has sex.

TRUTH: When a woman wears revealing clothes she is not actively consenting to sex ? she must still be able to deny her consent to sex if she chooses to.

MYTH: Women who wear revealing clothing invite men to rape them.

Appearance and clothing have nothing to do with who gets raped. Women are raped no matter what they wear: babies in nappies, old women in track suits and nuns in habits also get raped.

TRUTH: Clothing does not determine who gets raped.

MYTH: Only attractive women can get raped, if they are unattractive they would be happy to find someone interested in them. TRUTH:Rape is not about finding the person attractive, it is about power and control. Also, what one person finds attractive or unattractive is different to what another person finds attractive or unattractive. So, rape occurs with everyone and it is not only happeningto "attractive" girls.

MYTH: Rapists are always strangers in the dark.

The truth is that most rapes occur between people who know each other. A person is much more likely to be raped by a family member, relation or friend than by a stranger.

TRUTH: Rapists are mostly known to the survivor.

MYTH: It?s not rape if the woman has given her consent to having sex with the man before.

If a woman consents to sex once, that does not mean the man has a right to have sex with her anytime from now on.

TRUTH: Both people need to consent to sex every time, consenting to a person once is not a free ride for an unlimited amount of times. It is irrelevant whether or not you have had sex with this person before, rapes can even occur between married couples. Sex should be beautiful not scary!

MYTH: It?s not rape if the woman and man are married or in a relationship.

The truth ina husband or boyfriend may never force his wife or girlfriend to have sex with him and a girlfriend or wife must never force herself onto her husband. If he/she does, he/she can be charged with rape. Consent has to be givenfor sex, every time.

TRUTH: In any relationship, a woman has the right to say no to sex.

MYTH: Sex workers can?t be raped.

TRUTH:The truth is that sex workers have the same right to refuse sex as anyone else. They are paid for consensual sex, not rape. They choose with whom to do business.Sex workers also have to consent to sex.

MYTH: Women say they have been raped to get revenge on a man.

The truth is that women very rarely do this, as reporting rape to the authorities and going through a rape trial are very traumatic. It takes a lot of courage to report a rape and go through with a rape trial. Other people often make rape victims feel ashamed or guilty about the rape, which makes it even less likely that a woman would lie about rape. Statistics show that number of false reports of rape is the same as any other crime.

TRUTH: People lie about all crimes, not just rape. The number of people that lie about being the victim of a crime is very small.

MYTH: A woman who withdraws rape charges was never raped in the first place.

Women who withdraw rape charges mostly do this because the people around them pressure them to do so. This can happen, for example, if the rapist is the breadwinner of the family, if the family fears a scandal or if they fear revenge by the rapist?s friends and family. Rape victims are often intimidated into dropping charges.

TRUTH: If a woman withdraws a rape charge, it doesn?t mean she was lying.

MYTH: It can only be called rape if there is sexual intercourse.

Rape is definedvery clearly. It does not only involve a penis into a vagina. Rape is when a person does these things with knowledge that the other person is notconsenting: 1. Sexual intercourse 2. Touching any part of the body in a sexual manner 3. Displaying sexual contentwith another person

The act also can beaggravated by: 1. The degree of violence/ force used 2. the age of the victim, and age gap between the victim and accused. 3. The act occurring in the presence of others.

TRUTH: Rape is when a person puts any body part or object into another person?s anus or vagina, or genital organs into the mouth of another person.

MYTH: If the victim gets sexually aroused or has an orgasm during the rape, it means she enjoyed it.

Although this sometimes happens, it does not mean the survivor enjoyed it. It can in fact make the rape more traumatic.

TRUTH: The stress of the rape can cause the body to respond in a sexual way automatically, also if the victim has disassociated during the rape then they will return to being conscious of her/his surroundings when the rapist begins to slow down and in the stress of the moment,she/he may orgasm.

MYTH: A woman can prevent rape if she tries hard enough.

The truth is that most men are stronger than most women. But force is often not necessary, as men can use emotional manipulation, weapons or threats on the victim?s life to get a woman to comply.

TRUTH:A woman cannot do anything to prevent the rape from happening.

MYTH: Respectable women don?t get raped. Promiscuous women invite rape.

The truth is that there is no type of woman who gets raped: women of all ages and social positions get raped. The lifestyle and personality of the victim has nothing to do with getting raped. The rapist is to blame.

TRUTH: Rape can happen to any type of person.

MYTH: A woman is asking to get raped if she goes into an unsafe area, such as a bad neighbour-hood or a bar.

The truth is that women are more likely to be sexually assaulted in their own homes or in places familiar to them than anywhere else.

TRUTH: A woman can be raped anywhere, even in her own home.

MYTH: Rapists are mentally ill madmen or are sex starved.

The truth is that only very few rapists are mentally ill. Most rapists are not sex starved ? they are mostly men who act responsibly at work and at home with their families.

TRUTH: You cannot tell a rapist from a man who does not rape so no its not your fault that you could predict that the person would rape you. Going for a walk with them or going to a more private place does not mean that you knew he/she would rape you.

MYTH: Rape mostly involves black men raping white women.

TRUTH: Most rapes occur between people of the same race.

MYTH: Gay men and lesbians deserve to be raped.

Some people believe that homosexuality is unnatural and that it can be ?cured? through heterosexual rape. The truth is that rapists use rape as a weapon to harm and intimidate people who do not live according to the rapist?s own way of life. It is illegal to victimize gay men and lesbians in this way.

TRUTH: No one deserves to be raped.

MYTH: Men rape for sex.

The truth is that rape is not only about relieving sexual desire. It is about gaining power and control over another person. A rapist gets satisfaction by humiliating and controlling his victim and uses sex as the tool to do this.

TRUTH: Rape is more about having power over someone than about sex.

MYTH: Once a man is sexually excited, he cannot stop.

The truth is that all men and women sometimes get sexually excited and want it to lead to sex. But we can all choose to stop and wait for the feeling to subside.

TRUTH: We all have control over our choices and our bodies. Rapists choose not to stop.

MYTH: Women dream or fantasize about rape and will enjoy it if it happens.

The truth is that some women may think about being raped, but in no way do they wish it to happen. They can control fantasizing and can stop when they choose, but they have no control when they are raped.

TRUTH: No one wants to be raped.

MYTH: Women say ?no? when they mean ?yes?.

In some cultures, a woman is expected to be coy and to not ?welcome? sexual advances. But this does NOT mean that a man can ignore it if a woman says ?no?. A man must always be very sure that the woman consents.

TRUTH: When a woman says ?no?, it means ?no?.