Flashbacks keep me up at night
It happened almost three years ago, but it still feels like yesterday. It was my ex, although they weren't my ex at the time. We were hanging out, watching a movie, and they just sort of... Started. I didn't say no, I didn't try to stop it. I froze, and I was silent. Their hands were cold and coarse. I was uncomfortable. It felt like some strange, surreal dream. I left after. That was my first and only time. We broke up soon after. They had been cheating on me, and left me for the man they cheated with. I asked them about it a few months later, and they said I was imagining things, that I just wanted to be a victim. They said they had been abused that way, so I was a bad person for accusing them of it. They stopped talking to me after that. I just feel so confused. I could use some emotional support, someone who can make me feel safer.
@gavin2003 Firstly, I'm so sorry that you've been through this - I can appreciate the pain and anguish that you feel is hard to handle. About the situation itself - in an honest and equal relationship, any physical contact will happen with clear consent from both parties. Your silence, your lack of engagement with the situation should have made it clear to the other person that they were taking advantage of you, abusing the power they had at that moment. Nobody wants to be a victim and to allege that you were manipulating the situation in this way is totally out of order. Whether or not you have the clarity of thought to know precisely what happened is not the most important thing - the fact remains that you feel that the situation was one of abuse, and that you did not consent. You are absolutely not a bad person - you are a survivor of a situation that will have been (and will continue to be) difficult to handle. However, strength comes through reaching out for support, from sharing when you're ready, from listening to yourself and being kind to yourself. You're doing well - just getting here and opening up is a massive step in the right direction! *Hugs* 🤗 Grits
