Feeling helpless
It's going to be 3 years of my assault and literally every single day in some or the other way I go through that trauma again and again, every single day I get flashbacks sometimes the symptoms are less in intensity but they always remain. No other problem stays with me but that assault and events leading to that are not leaving my brain. I cry every single day for the same thing despite boosting myself up after every cry. Probably this is because I am forced to be in the same place that's my University, I requested them for transfer on these grounds showed them medical proofs of PTSD but they are not agreeing on letting me leave the place. They are giving me an option of a drop year but I don't want to lag further behind in my academics. The culprits in the University are still free and hold power and I am forced to be among them seeing them being powerful and I am the one facing the repurcussions. What was my fault. Why did this happen to me. I have to stay in this University for around 2 years and I know you people do understand and can feel how tough it is to be at the place of assault for even a second for that matter. 2 years went in covid lockdown so I was at home but now I am at University left with no option. I want to complete my education but it is beyond tough... I have got support of my Uni. friends and good people but in the end the place remains haunted for me.
@energeticThinker3129 hey, I am really sorry for what you are going through. That is incredibly difficult and I can't imagine what it's like, I mean I can, but that's aside from the point. I know it's hard but try to remember what really matters to you. Where do you want to be in a year, two or three? Try focusing and thinking about the future, how do you want things to turn out for you? What are your career goals? Also, can you check in with a friend or two every week? Family? Do you think it might help to get a pet? Pets are wonderful and can really help with anxiety and loneliness. Have you tried working out? Is there something you really like doing? Can you do that and try to reward yourself when possible? I know it's really hard, but, can you try to get as much support as possible where you are? Maybe show everyone how well you are doing? I don't know if this helps but don't be too hard on yourself. You are really going through a lot and you deserve to be happy. Just think what things will be like for you in a couple years when all this will be over?
When I was in college, I honestly hated it there. I did not like the environment and couldn't find anyone I could be friends with. I felt extremely lonely and had to seek a therapist while there. It was the only way I could deal with a break up also from an abusive and toxic relationship I was in at the time. I really feel for what you are going through. Please don't be too down on yourself. I really care about you. You will get through this, I promise.
@energeticThinker3129 It sounds like you're feeling a lot of emotional pain as you relive the trauma you endured and continue to be in the unsafe environment where it happened, which brings back these painful memories. It's disheartening that your university seems more interested in covering up the rape you experienced than in seeking justice for you or in preventing similar attacks from occurring on other students in future. You are not alone in facing a culture of silence that enables rape and makes it harder for victims to speak up. You've shown a lot of courage in confronting your attacker despite this. This resource may be helpful to you: https://www.7cups.com/traumatic-experience-help/ Feel free to message me if you think talking more about this might help. I hope you find peace, healing, and closure.