Complex TRauma

At 6 years old my 14 year old brother was taking me in the backyard alone to show me his ***. I had a very sheltered Christian upbringing. I had no idea what a *** was expect that it was used for peeing. I have seen my baby brothers diaper changed. MY older brother tried to convince me that I really wanted to touch it. I did not want to touch it and I was not interested, I had zero interest in my baby brothers *** or my 14 year old brothers ***. I finally agreed after much nagging and attempted brain washing. He did not brain wash me I just did it because I wanted him to stop talking about it. This went on for a few weeks him trying to make me an active and willing participate. I wasn't. Next he wanted to convince me that I wanted to give him a blow job. I refused and announced his request to the entire family at dinner time. All 8 kids and both parents were at the table and people were shocked. our secret meetings ended but I still feel lame, targeted, damaged and angry. I feel like guys can some how see the damage and try to see what they can get away with. It's sad we suffer as kids and continue suffering into adulthood.