Assaulted by best friends dad?
I've known my best friend for 15+ years now and I used to go over to her house all the time when we were younger. We didn't have much money in my family, but her mom and dad always made sure I could tag along when they went to a pool or attraction park, etc with the kids. I really felt like a part of their family. Of course I would also stay the night every now and then.
Her dad was always quite physical with my best friend and her siblings, like play fighting etc, and he would also do that with me. I'm quite a physical person and love hugs etc, but he would be physical with me at times it didn't make any sense. Like at night when I was just getting some water in the kitchen for example. He would press himself up against me from behind and I'm pretty sure he would have a hard on. This happened a few times, to the point where I didn't want to come over anymore. I was young, between 8-14 or something, but definitely old enough to know that this wasn't normal.
I've tried to talk with her about this when I was about 11, but I was so young, and so was she. She said it was normal and that he just played like that, he would also do that to her. But she didn't fully understand until what extend he would he physical with me (I'm a 100% sure he never assaulted her) and I hated saying those things, especially about her dad, who's always included me in the family, so I left it at that.
Now her parents are divorced (relevant because some things about him came up that kind of pushed him of the pedestal she had him on), and he hasn't touched me like that in years. However, recent, unrelated assault has caused me to be more sensitive to, well, men, and these memories just came popping up.
I don't know what to do with it, especially as it's not a problem anymore. But, it does still bother me and I'm considering talking to her about it. Just to let it out I guess. I don't want to cause unnecessary harm though, as it's still her dad whom she loves, despite every thing, and she is my best friend. I know she'd be more understanding now that we're older, but I don't want to... you know... Cause a wedge between us or something. I'm not sure if I should go to a therapist to 'work through this', or if there's even something to work through in the first place...
I just don't know what would be the smart thing to do...
@callmepien about the therapist thing- yes, please go.
About telling your friend, you don't have to tell her. That's okay. You can only tell people you feel safe telling. You are in control.
You don't need to be around her father. You can tell your friend that over time you have become self-conscious about her father touching you and that you are no longer comfortable. She should be able to understand that. If she doesn't get it, you can say "well, maybe it's different for you because he is your dad, but it doesn't go well with me anymore".