How do I cope with all the types of abuse in my life?
PTSD from sexual assaults both rape and molestation. Drug abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, mental abuse, spiritual abuse. How do I even navigate my life? I wake up every day and think bad thoughts about myself. I have hope that I can be a part of study to help with depression. I currently don't take meds. I feel that if I eat enough spinach or foods to boost serotonin I'll be happy. My moods were better when I was vegan. I finally felt like I had control over food until everyone made fun of it and decided I wasn't healthy. So I stopped. I'm poor and honestly too lazy and too anxious ridden to get food stamps so I can take control of my diet again. I live in a home where I was recently physically abused again. Twice I have been physically abused in the last 3 months. I am questioning everything about myself. Everything. My beliefs, my experiences, my existence. I don't feel safe anywhere. Not even on this site. I feel like my trust issues get in the way of my progress. I have major trust issues. I don't know what to do with that.
Thank you for reading.
@Mikitea68
I'm so sorry you've been through so much and have so much going on right now. You deserve to feel safe (and if you can't believe that right now I'll keep believing it until you believe it for yourself).
I went through a lot of trauma for my entire life and I can definitely understand the trust issues and not feeling safe (sometimes I don't even trust myself).
I think one of the biggest changing points for me in my healing journey was finally believing that I DESERVE to feel safe. It took a lot of work in therapy to actually believe that. I learned to have compassion for myself despite what other people say and do to me. I finally learned to believe that I deserve better than the way I've been treated by others (and myself).
I don't say this thinking you'll read this and magically believe the words (I wished it worked like that, but if you can't believe them now, that's normal and you can get there some day). I say this because I struggled with a lot. The trust issues and lack of safety are two things I'm still really struggling to learn, but ever since I realized I deserve better, I will FIGHT for better if I have to and will end conversations/relationships that aren't treating me the way I deserve. Since I learned that I deserve to feel safe I've been fighting for safety and not tolerating people who make me feel unsafe. (It's not perfect, but I'm getting better at it). I hope this helps and I hope you can get to physical safety, I am concerned hearing your staying in a home where you were abused so recently.
Thank you I really appreciate that. I guess I can do affirmations of "I deserve to be happy," even though it feels foreign to me.
@Mikitea68
I did affirmations for a long time before they really stuck for me, but one day they finally did. It's one of my most memorable moments in recovery. I kind of cried at first when I realized all the things I believed about myself because of others were LIES, and if they were lies, and the truth was the opposite of what I'd been taught did I know anything? It was an intense moment, but it was so pivotal. I'm glad you already have at least one affirmation.
Another thing that made my affirmations go from a "foreign concept" to something I believe is putting it in art work. (I'm a creative person).
i get it trust me. it sucks
