Healing Myself Through Flowers

I like gardening. No. I love gardening. I enjoy the quiet and the freedom to stand alone and not feel like you have to say anything or be anyone in particular other than a secretive instigator in a private green agenda. There need be nothing other than you, a little good earth, sunshine and rain to create something beautiful, which ultimately means something to you. Anybody passing by might spy a flower and think for a moment how pretty it is, but for me, that flower could represent the moment I learned to stand on my own two feet and climb towards my aspirations just like this plant reaches for the sky. Planting a seed and watching it grow with a little love and attention is not only mesmerising to me but a very pure form of therapy. I really struggled with talking to people about the absolute truth and the extent of my experience as a victim of psychological abuse. I never found it easy to dredge up the memories of being kicked or punched by my mother. It scared me how easily I could forget the number of times I had been threatened and that I had once accepted my father attempting to strangle me as a brief faux pas and continued to cohabit in that house with him. And even now, just writing those words creates a sickly stutter in my chest. So, 3 years ago and exactly 3 years after I walked away from my parents, I turned to the land for solace.

In November 2021, my wife and I purchased an acre of land, 8 miles from where we currently rent. It was a spontaneous idea to say the least but standing on bare earth, with a stream at the bottom felt right. So we bought it and decided we would turn it into a forest garden, grow some organic vegetables in one area for the community and start working with the local council to gain permission to build an off-grid roundhouse in the hillside. Essentially, we had decided in that moment that a Hobbit's life was for us, and being as such that there are incentives to do such a thing, it felt even more real. Needless to say, purchasing something outright and turning it into a living rendition of a soul, a piece of me and my a piece of my wife has not only broadened our senses, but arguably helped me heal my trauma(s). There is nothing more invaluable than having something, or somewhere, to go to where nature offers you a place to be open with yourself and express yourself. In conclusion, I felt it would be nice to share this considering that we all experience trauma in our way, and thusly deal with it in very different ways too. Perhaps the art of gardening and growing resonates with you too, or maybe it offers a little inspiration.