diary ..

today was a good day, mentally

notice: i will recount my day as it went, i have memory issues and i’m trying to improve them. you can skip to the text under “FEELINGS” if you only want to see how my mental health was today

i went to bed at 4am and didn’t wake up until 1pm. it’s ironic because i had told my friend that i was going to wake up at 8am and then i was so very far off

i didn’t eat breakfast, it was 1pm and i didn’t feel like it. so i missed my 3 meals goal.

i did school and it took me a bit longer than usual. i’m assuming because i was so tired i was taking long to type my notes. i do online school so i can run on my own schedule. i love it and i quite literally cannot imagine going to an in person school

i paused in the middle to eat lunch. it was pizza, sausage, from a local restaurant. i’m not really a big fan of pizza but it was okay. while eating i watched markiplier’s new glitched attraction video with my sis

i did the rest of my school. biology was so boring today, i think i’m getting tired of it. i watched stray kids dwaekki gym video they posted today, it was so funny i couldn’t stop laughing

my mom called and asked if i wanted anything for dinner but she didn’t really give me much options that i wanted. mcdonald’s, kfc, and taco bell, i just wasn’t in the mood for any of them. i remembered my sis talking about a salad earlier so i suggested zaxbys since she likes their salads and that’s what we got. i got a boneless bbq wings meal with sweet tea. my other sister and her fiancé came over with their dogs. she’s been doing student teaching and stressing my mom out a lot asking her a bunch of questions.

we ate and i watched some of despicable me 2 before my sis came in. my dogs were going crazy so i got up and went to my room. but then my sisters dog got mud on my bed covers and i got angry. i wasn’t the most angry person alive, i handled it a lot calmer than i would’ve done in the past.

i played avatar: the game on ds for a bit after that, i think i’m on section 21. my mom put my bed covers in the wash even tho she didn’t have to. i was going to

my sister left soon after and i watched a bit of outer banks. trying to refresh my memory before the 3rd season. i soon stopped tho because i wanted to finish despicable me 2.

i did and ate some maple pretzels while watching. my sis came in and watched the end and then we talked a little in the kitchen before i did my night routine and got in bed. typing this now.

FEELINGS

i mentioned it but i was able to hold back my anger more than i used to today. i didn’t make a scene. i mean i’m very dramatic so my idea of a scene might be more of a scene than i think it is. but it wasn’t me screaming or anything. i just told them the dog jumped on my bed and got mud on it. when my sister retorted rudely, past me would’ve thrown a “you suck” or “i hate you” but instead i *subconsciously* rolled my eyes and walked away. and that was that.

i was sappy at the end of despicable me 2, gru is such a good dad. i was thinking about my relationship with my parents again. how it’s in this weird stage. my dad was super nice today, he talked about a couple of things with me before he went to bed. my mom seemed annoyed. i think my sister is getting to her. her tone was so angry so i just retracted myself from the situation.

now that i’m alone and have time to think, today was good in my head. i didn’t have random outbursts and i allowed myself to express how i was feeling. progress is progress!!

well day 2

notice: i will recount my day as it went, i have memory issues and i’m trying to improve them. you can skip to the text under “FEELINGS” if you only want to see how my mental health was today

started off today at 11am or so .. i had again told myself that i was going to wake up at 8am and i didn’t. i was just so tired

got up and ate cookies and cream pop tarts for breakfast, microwaved not toasted. with water of course and started doing school.

school was much better than yesterday since i woke up earlier. i was better at typing and comprehending, so more sleep isn’t always good.

i ate lunch afterwards. i made buldak ramen and it was delicious. i had been waiting all week to make it and i’m glad i did. i watched the new episodes of velma with my sis and i just wanna know who the killer is at this point.

my mom and sister came home with the dogs as well and my sister immediately started making my mom stressed out and ugh, i’m just so over her right now.

i got up and went to my room to 1.) get away from them and 2.) do my makeup. i did the same blue and green dot look inspired by bailey bass and it was stunning and took my like 5 seconds. i watched obx while doing my makeup.

i got dressed and wore my brown baggy pants, heyyou project sweatshirt, and my run star hikes. we (me, mom, and sis) went to phil’s for dinner (local mexican restaurant) and it was good. i wasn’t really in the mood for it, i wanted a greasy *** hamburger from freddie’s or something, but it was good nonetheless.

me and my sis went in target afterwards and i bought the mcfarlane tonowari figure and it is sick!! i want the other figures now as well but i’m waiting to get the neteyam and ilu one.

we went home and i started watching minions since i’m trying to watch that franchise right now. it was cute, i love them all but especially bob.

after that, i went to ask my mom about the movies. and luckily she said yes! so me and my sis are going to see avatar: the way of water again tomorrow! it’s my last theater watch so that’s sad, but that’s why there’s websites! i really am excited

my dad got home and we had a passing convo but not long. i finished minions and then i went to do my night routine. i watched the new episodes of drag race during and after. im so sad about robin she was the sweetest!! my pick is spice tho so as long as she’s safe!

now here i am in bed

FEELINGS

i had some pent up anger today. i think my mom was just pissing me off because my sister was pissing her off. so we were just pissing each other off. im not angry at her for anything

my sis made me angry a couple of times, she was being weird and moody so im not sure what that’s about

i did realize that my parents are definitely catching on to how big my avatar hyperfixation is. it’s most likely because this is the hyperfixation ive talked to them most about. i mean they know abt skz but this one is just HUGE. like i can hardly shut up about it. my mom especially is catching on and i’m sure that’s why she’s letting me go see it again. for the 4th time.

i also let go of my anger over my bsf’s friend. i had been angry at her for awhile and i was just getting tired of it. it was going nowhere and why be angry when you don’t have to?

feelings were good today, especially in target. when i’m not around my mom i feel so much more open and free emotionally.