childhood abuse
Hi - i was sexually abused by my older brother repeatedly from the time i was about 8 years old. I am male too, btw. for so many years i kept this a secret, not wanting anyone to know because i felt ashamed and alone. I felt isolated and guilty for allowing this to happen to me, even if it wasn't my fault. I never told my parents and it took me years before i even told anyone. i've only told a couple of people about it ever.
but now i feel like these feeling that ive repressed for so long are starting to pop up and need attention. i get really scared and nervous when i think about what happened to me and im afraid the feeling will overwhelm me. i really need to talk about this i think, but its hard to know where to start. i guess being here is a first step. any advice anyone has on how to start dealing with this would be appreciated. i dont want these feeling to take over my life. i denied that it was a big deal and brushed it off most of my life, but i think this abuse has affected me more than i ever realized. i just want to be free. thank you for listening.
@crimsonSpruce612 Being here is definitely a great first step. Being brave and sharing your story is a second - and even bigger- step. You should be proud of yourself. I hope to continue to see you around our community. 
I think I understand how you feel Im in the same situation I dismissed it as nothing. Im so stuck right now. What u wrote has just totally hit me with realisation that what happened is wrong. I dont know Im just confused and hurting
@intuitiveClementine4701
i totally understand. i'm learning that sometimes we dismiss what happened in order to protect ourselves or maybe the abuser. for a long time i didn't even call it abuse because it wasn't as bad as some other people experienced. but admiting that i was abused has helped me start to get the help i need. i'm sorry you're hurting and i wish you all the best. i'm new here but have already found such supportive people that can help people like us. be well.
@crimsonSpruce612. I cant seem to find someone that understands. Most the listeners I find seem to tell me I need to get over it
@intuitiveClementine4701 i'm sorry to hear that. i hope you can find a good listener, just know you are not alone and there are many people out there who have gone through what we have.
@crimsonSpruce612 thank you. I keep trying. A lot of listeners just say its in the past and I should get on with things
@intuitiveClementine4701 If you're still hurting, then it's not in the past for you and you have the right to take your time and work throught it. i hope you keep trying.
@intuitiveClementine4701 Keep looking for new listeners or pay for therapy.
@Alia3475 Ive had 8 months therapy and I cant talk. I dont know maybe sat in a room with someone staring at you isnt the best way for me