childhood abuse
Hi - i was sexually abused by my older brother repeatedly from the time i was about 8 years old. I am male too, btw. for so many years i kept this a secret, not wanting anyone to know because i felt ashamed and alone. I felt isolated and guilty for allowing this to happen to me, even if it wasn't my fault. I never told my parents and it took me years before i even told anyone. i've only told a couple of people about it ever.
but now i feel like these feeling that ive repressed for so long are starting to pop up and need attention. i get really scared and nervous when i think about what happened to me and im afraid the feeling will overwhelm me. i really need to talk about this i think, but its hard to know where to start. i guess being here is a first step. any advice anyone has on how to start dealing with this would be appreciated. i dont want these feeling to take over my life. i denied that it was a big deal and brushed it off most of my life, but i think this abuse has affected me more than i ever realized. i just want to be free. thank you for listening.
@crimsonSpruce612 Being here is definitely a great first step. Being brave and sharing your story is a second - and even bigger- step. You should be proud of yourself. I hope to continue to see you around our community. 
I think I understand how you feel Im in the same situation I dismissed it as nothing. Im so stuck right now. What u wrote has just totally hit me with realisation that what happened is wrong. I dont know Im just confused and hurting
@intuitiveClementine4701
i totally understand. i'm learning that sometimes we dismiss what happened in order to protect ourselves or maybe the abuser. for a long time i didn't even call it abuse because it wasn't as bad as some other people experienced. but admiting that i was abused has helped me start to get the help i need. i'm sorry you're hurting and i wish you all the best. i'm new here but have already found such supportive people that can help people like us. be well.
@crimsonSpruce612. I cant seem to find someone that understands. Most the listeners I find seem to tell me I need to get over it
@intuitiveClementine4701 i'm sorry to hear that. i hope you can find a good listener, just know you are not alone and there are many people out there who have gone through what we have.
@crimsonSpruce612 thank you. I keep trying. A lot of listeners just say its in the past and I should get on with things
@intuitiveClementine4701 If you're still hurting, then it's not in the past for you and you have the right to take your time and work throught it. i hope you keep trying.
@crimsonSpruce612 I am hoping there
@intuitiveClementine4701 Keep looking for new listeners or pay for therapy.
@Alia3475 Ive had 8 months therapy and I cant talk. I dont know maybe sat in a room with someone staring at you isnt the best way for me
@intuitiveClementine4701 If you're still going, say something next time like, "There's something I'm having a hard time talking about." And just see how that goes. It can be hard to bring up,, but at 8 months you should have a trusting relationship with your therapist... If you don't, it might be better to find another. And when you do, to specifically say in the appointment setup that you are trying to heal from childhood abuse.
I'd be happy to chat with you, too. I'm not an expert, but I promise I would never tell you to get over it. It horrifies me there are listeners who say that.