*Trigger WARNING* How I got Here

It's been a rough haul. Born to a Malignant Narcissist mother and a pedophile father.

Abused by my malig. narcis. bio mother for over 3 decades before i went No Contact with her. She employed others to do her bidding with me after that, getting them to reach out to me to try to pull me back into her abusive web. No Deal. When I began to tell them why that wasn't going to happen, filling them in on my bio mother's (unseen) abuses, they backed away and stopped talking to me, making excuses, so no-contact there, too, i guess.

My bio mother didn't protect me from pedophile bio father at the age of two, not only didn't stop him, but sat and watched him sexually assault me for a couple minutes, then left me there with him to do more. She then blamed me, told people i seduced my father, set out to destroy my reputation so no one would believe me if i came out with the truth. After years of his sexual abuse, I was finally able to speak about it a little and I told her what he had done in the most recent 4 year period. She also left me homeless years later with only days' warning, with no fault to myself, suggesting that I move in with an abusive man to have a place to live. She told lies in an effort to destroy my [later] marriage and life, telling my husband horrible monstrous lies about me to get him to leave me and sell my home while I was away from home. I pray that she just forgets i exist over time.

I've had 7 concussions, been hit by a vehicle as a pedestrian, abused by a partner in every possible way (including striking me in the spine and paralyzing me temporarily) for about a year before he took off and ended our relationship (which I was then and still am now grateful for). He still tries occasionally to contact me in an effort to reconnect with me over a decade after leaving (and leaving me STRANDED). I pretend not to get the messages, so it doesn't encourage him to keep trying to contact me. I pray that he just forgets i exist.

I have been stalked by 2 men for a total of over 2 years, one was married AND a known rapist in the community.

Been homeless 7 times. Bullied, intimidated and humiliated all my life off and on by family, fellow students, neighbors, coworkers, strangers on the street and in neighborhood parks.

Physically abused by a partner for a year, including being whipped and worse that i won't detail here, several of which i have leftover pain, physical scars and other conditions over a decade later.

Have been sexually assaulted a total of 37 times as memory serves me (and I still have blank places of my memory to get back) by men from my bio father to acquaintances, colleagues, dates, partners, strangers and a relative of a friend.

They tell me I am a survivor. I guess that is just fact. But I want to be much more than a survivor.