Things that happened//tw//

As i was growing up because of what happened i tried to hide what happened from my memory and my emotions, it was really hard to deal wkth when it happened and as a kid i don't think i fully understand what really was happening but i think I knew i had to make sure I wouldn't be connected with the event at all. And now because of that when i tell my story it's almost like i found it off a book and read it in 3rd person as if it was me, that's one of my deepest regrets is not being connected with it. But that's ok because now healing was better. Whenever i i wowod start actually connecting 2 and 2 together i would freak out for multiple days and cry. Then I'd go back to my old habits of 3rd personing it. Ik that may not be the healthiest nor the best but it's certainly good for me at the time since i live with the person who did it. Its been my misson since December 30th 2019 "i will make myself a better me inside and out". That includes actually connecting and accepting that it happened but ik its too early for me to do that so for now ill focus on the rest. Of course there was slip ups no matter how i did it therr would be but even if i get pushed back a step i just ask my friends to help me up the step again and move forward. Giving up isn't an option for me. Ever heard the phrase "its ok to make mistakes now because you'll learn and the more you learn the better"? That's how i see my mistakes now. I got out of therapy 1 yesr ago, not because i was ready but because i wasn't pt.1