That visit at the doctor's...
*Could be triggering*
Hi you, thanks for reading this ^^
I just wanted to share my story because maybe some people here have experienced similar things.
So one summer day I went to the doctor's just one block away with my sister to get vaccinated. It was in the summer holidays at like 9 am. and we hadn't eaten yet because it was so close and we thought it wouldn't take long. But it did, we had to wait like 40 minutes and when we could finally go my sister was up first. We both didn't really have a big problems with needles and just getting vaccinated so it all went normal and then she stood back up and I sat down and they disinfected my arm when my sister in the corner of the room passed out, I saw everything. I was terrified something happend to her because she means a lot to me. She was fine, quikly got better and our dad came to pick us up. I felt pretty ok about that thing for the next months but in spring I had something that could've been a panic attack, idk. That was probably the worst night of my life so far, everything came flashing back and I had the feeling all over me and couldn't shake it off. Eversince I get extremly triggered by anything that has to do with that topic and I get that feeling of needles all over me multiple times a day and just developed (what I think is) a phobia that really makes me more scared in life. That happend to my sister multiple times now because she's underweight but she doesn't really seem to care. I don't really know if that counts as a thing to be here because it isn't even that bad but I didn't know where else to share this.
Elsa
@Iamelsa Hey, Elsa! Sometimes something that seems small can create bigger reactions - and there's nothing wrong with that. It's how you feel. Have you talked to your family about this? Do you think there's anything besides your sister that could be related to this fear/anxiety?
-Zep
@ZeppelinsOverhead
Hey,
My family is aware what happened and that I am not so pleased to see needles right now but I'm not that close to them, also I don't want to worry them any more because my sister is already having big issues with her mental health.
I did find an other thing that could've partly been a reason for my reaction: When I was 11 I used to do a sort of self harm involving needles. It was only affecting the first layer of skin and I only did it for a few months but that could also be a thing that was been lying inside me till that Panic attack happend. Just to make it clear: I would not fall back into that because needles terrify me now, I can't even really do sewing anymore.
Elsa
@Iamelsa That's crazy, I also used to use needles. I'd stick them in my legs under my skirt, no one saw them. Do you think it's possible (or even probable) that the memories associated with that self-harm, and why you were doing it, might have been connected with how you felt at the doc's?
@ZeppelinsOverhead
That could definitely be a reason. Do you have any advice on that? I can't and don't want to avoid vaccines/needles all my life but simply don't know how to lose that feeling that is following me, I really want to but it just isn't really getting any better.
@Iamelsa I don't know that I have any helpful advice for you. The issues that you had in your life back then - are they continuing? Have you resolved some of them?
@ZeppelinsOverhead
Some of them are better, some are still there and some are new.
@Iamelsa Do you think that if you were able to work on those problems, you might gain some control over your fears?