TW - Scared to say the words
I dont use my voice very often, keep everything locked away inside and up to now I have only ever told medical people and one other person. Its so hard to say these words and Im sorry to make anyone read them but I cant keep it inside anymore. Im driving myself crazy and struggling so much with it all. Even now I am sat here with tears running down my face at the thought of saying anything. Please dont hate me, I hate myself enough already
Four years ago today was a Friday. Ive relived that day so many times, each time hurting more at the thought of what Ive done. I had to make one of the hardest decisions Ive ever had to make. I chose to abort my rapists baby. There, Ive said it. What right did I have to end an innocent life????? I should suffer for eternity for what Ive done.
Although it was the anniversary day two days ago, today is Friday and I cant stop the thoughts. Keep going back to that day. Over and over again. Im sinking and sinking fast.
Its so difficult for me to talk about things, words dont come easy to me b,up Im slowly losing my mind. Im scared and dont know what to do
@crimsonLime6525 *offering safe hugs*
I am really sorry to hear that you have had to go through all that, it truly sounds terrible. I want you to know that I do not hate you and I thing you do not deserve hate. That topic is often just over-simplified labelling people "murderer" and such whereas it is never so easy.
You were in a really tough situation and you had to make a hard decision, you have had to consider the circumstances you are at and the whole situation and that is what is making it more complex and that is why you are definitely not a bad person. You have considered that little life, you have cared about it so much that you have not let it to experience such suffering you know you had to face.
Of course it is not making it any easier on you, I know that, but I do not hate you. I cannot hate you. After all, that whole situation was not your fault at all. You have been through so much and you are still here with us and, really, I do admire you. I admire your strength and bravery, you are truly an amazing person and what you deserve is love, support, and care.
You know, I am glad you have shared this with us and I want to thank you for allowing me to read it, I feel really honored and I want you to know that I am here and we are here. You are not alone in this and you do not have to do this alone and, yes, you do deserve it, The help, the support. 
Once again, thank you very much for being so strong and brave and sharing this! *offering safe hugs*
@redmark thank you so much for your beautiful words, they did make me cry although I dont need much help in that department at the moment. I cant get the tears to stop.
