TW: SEXUAL ABUSE
This story is a little long, so if the subject abuse doesn't trigger or hurt you personaly, I NEED you to read all of it carefully.
My name is G, I'm a 19 yo girl. When I was 15 I went to a party at my ex's house (at that time we were already apart), let's call him P. P and I kissed, and later I kissed his friend L. Everyone had drank tequila that night. P invited me to his room and L wanted to avoid it bc he knew P was messing with my feelings (so did I), so he held that door, and later decided to go in with us, so P and L wanted a threesome with me, something that I DIDN'T agree with and I said that very clearly, they ignored it and kept kissing me (that night I was amazed by the idea of having s*x with P, but I really wanted L to go away, I was bothered by his presence), mostly L, and even that I said no several times and tried to get myself out of a situatuion that was making me feel uncomfortable, when they saw I didn't want both of them, they turned off the light, put me in bed and gave me oral s*x when I made it clear I didn't want that, but I was nervous they would think I was a bore (remember please that I was 15 years old) and I pretended I was enjoying it. when the oral thing was over my ex P went outside the room for a cigarette, and since there was only me and L at the room I said one more time that I wanted him to leave, he said he was only trying to protect me from having my feeling hurt for P and left angry. P came back and we had s*x (by what I remember now, I was drunk but still conscious, but the wasn't sober either I guess, I couldn't tell), what I didn't know is that he told his male friends to watch while we had s*x from the other side of the door. I feel ashamed when I think about it, months later these guys kept making jokes about my body and about what happened.
When I think of it I wonder if it was abuse or if I'm crazy, cause i feel used and abused. Did P abuse me? Did L abuse me? I neep a third opinion hear because I don't even know what to think anymore. I'm scared that if I say that I was abused and tell my story people will call me a attention seeker and a liar, mostly because one of the two guys have lots of friends in my city.
I need your advice
sorry about any grammar mistakes, i'm feeling really weird
