THE HEALING ERA

my mind races 24/7. How can I turn it off?

I listen to music to distract my mind, but it never helps.

so here I am. A place to get my feelings out there and out of my head.

truth is I’m struggling, and it’s starting to really affect everything.

im spiraling.

i’m slowly losing myself, I just can’t live like this.

a constant feeling of fear, anxiety, fight or flight, feeling like a have to have a wall up.

i just feel like a shell of my past self. SCREAMING to be free.

I control myself now. Not him.

why do I feel I need saved by someone else?

why can’t I save myself?

why can’t I dig myself out of this pit?

another day of not being able to move.

I feel numb.

if I do get up? What would I do?

I was told to take walks, but I can’t find myself the willpower to get out of bed.

to brush my hair.

to brush my teeth.

to put on clothes.

I hate feeling like I’m letting myself go. I hate feeling this pathetic

I keep looping back to the fact I feel I need someone to save me.

after all, I was the one who escaped. Who risked everything to flee.

the fear of being found, I still escaped.

the fear of being killed, I still escaped.

the fear of my loved ones being killed, I still escaped.

yet here I am unable to save myself from this pit of depression.

Do I want saved? Do I want to return to the real world?

my safe bubble is so much better honestly.