Really bothered

I'm here for various reasons. I blame myself till this day on betrayal and being sexually taken advantage of. Betrayal as in cheated on and wasting 4 years of my life. I was also sexually taken advantage of. The problem was too many drinks and it led to that till this day I blame myself with regret. Sometimes I say it's my fault for going out, maybe I set off the wrong mood, maybe I gave in and accepted in. But when I wasn't drunk anymore, all I felt was regret, pain, and taken advantage of. Sometimes it feels like rape when it wasn't. How do I cope? Two years later I have problems managing anxiety, anger, frustration, self love, depression. Sometimes I feel as if I'm in a dreaming state. Advice? 😥