Oof (TA)

a few months ago.

I didn’t want him to touch me like that. To force himself into me and choke me. He was my friend. I thought I would never experience it. I was stupid for going back again and again, but I had no one else. I lost all my friends and I felt so trapped: trapped in the cycle of regurgitated “I’m sorry”s and desperate attempts asking for forgiveness. Every time I trusted him. Every time I walked myself home, crying and disgusted by what my life had become. I was scared. It was dark. I felt gross. He wanted my body. Someone wanted my body… someone wanted, me.

call it desperation, asking for it, pathetic…

The memories of being choked and pushed onto that bed of thorns

they speak for themselves.

At the time, they didn’t. I had no voice and all I could feel was numbness, running through my veins and my mind.

I knew what was happening,

but it wasn’t happening to me…

it was happening to that numb, lonely girl.

I am haunted.

But growing.