New to therapy...anxious

I have known I was DID for almost a decade but have never really had treatment because we lacked therapists in this area for trauma related disorders. On the advice from my diagnosing doctor I began to study so I could learn how to cope with it. I did okay for awhile but my symptoms have actually just gotten worse over the years.

A couple of weeks ago I began to start on an at home program to try to help me be able to cope with everyday things. I am taking classes for anger management, grief and loss, self esteem, relationships, communication and so forth. I also became a member here and on another safe site for survivors. It has been hard doing these things but I was making it through it anyway.

Today I got accepted by a therapist that specializes in trauma. I always thought that I would be happy to finally find one but that is not where I went. I feel more unstable today than I have in a long time. I guess it is fear or anxiety caused by knowing that I am going to have to talk to them about the things that I been hiding from for so long. I don't know. I do know that I need to follow through with it; what I don't know is if I will be able to. A lot of times an alter switch happens right before an appointment with my primary doctor and I don't make it there. I am hoping that will not be the case this time.