Nervous about sharing my story, Trigger Warning Gun Violence
Hello all,
I just want to start off by saying thank you to the brave community members that share their stories. Our tramatic experiences may differ, but regardless of the cause, trauma is trauma is trauma is trauma. The effects of which can be challenging but knowing I'm not alone has been comforting. It's in that spirit that I've wanted to share my own storyl. However, I'm nervous about sharing too much of my story and inadvertantly violating the terms, conditions, and community guidelines as outlined by 7cups. I'm also worried that by sharing too much of my experience that I might trigger anyone that may have also experienced gun violence.
So with that being said I'll keep things brief and refrain from details, so here's my story. My trauma has a name, PTSD. Which manifested after living through the worst mass shooting in American history. All it took was 10 minutes to change my life forever. It would be 6 months before I began to experience increased depression, anxiety, and triggers. I struggle with things like large groups of people and the sound of fireworks, and something as common as seeing someone jogging on the street. It's been challenging but I'm working through it thanks to some incredible mental health workers and the support system around me.
I'll leave it at that. I hope I haven't upset anyone. That was never my intention. To anyone thats experienced some sort of gun related trauma, you're not alone. I will never forget that night, but it doesn't define me, it does get better.
Thank you for the priveledge of your time.
In November of 1992 I was the intended target of gun fire, three people tried to kill me. I ran and hid that night behind a dumpster. I was told to suck it up and face my fears( I misunderstood what that meant I think). So I redoubled my efforts in my trainng and sought firearms training beyond my required qualifications. February of 1993 I was again shot at, this time I was not the intended target and was just down range, I didn't hide this time,but the terror was there I just had some practiced muscle memory and training which took over. Again I was told to face my fears and again I think I misunderstood. I meet fear with violence after that. I confronted those that brought me fear. I justified it with excuses that I did not start or initiate these encounters so my actions where appropriate. Those years are a stain on my heart that hurts worse than the fear somedays. I think what they mean when I was told to face my fear is to evaluate my response to it. Not to attack what caused the fear...but the fear itself. When I'm in a safe place I picture my fear as an actual being, and I comfort it. I become bigger than it. I step up to it. I don't run from it. The acts that brought that fear need to be respected and treated with the caution and actions necessary to ensure my saftey. But those acts and the people who perpetrated them don't get my anger anymore. Fear is a survival catalyst. It brings flight or fight. And it is necessary for me. And he (my fear)is always looking to make me cower. I confront him a lot and make him respect me as I respect him. I guess what I am trying to say, and even realize for myself as I say this, is I give body to my issues(in my imagination) so that I can confront my issues. I tell my issues I won't back down. I step closer to them, I break personal space with them, I don't accept that they will win.
@RealityCzech
I am here if you ever seek a 1:1 listening ear however I would recommend one of 7 cups of teas excellent therapists. They are very wonderful and I do encourage you to speak with one of them. Have a wonderful day my friend; may it be a greater day than yesterday in hopes of a better and brighter tomorrow!
@LindseyLobotomy
If you're ever seeking a 1:1 listening ear I am here. Thank you for being open to sharing your traumatic experience. Doing so encourages others to open up about their own. Thank you for considering 7 cups of teas guidelines when making this post. Your anonimity is important.