My silent voice ***TW: abuse, self harm, drinking, suicide, sexual coercion***

I dated this guy for about 4 months, on our 2 months after many times asking I agreed to do it with him, worst mistake of my life. He would constantly manipulate me into do what he wanted. I was very scared of him and worried about what he would do if I say no(like kill himself or yell at me). So I continued letting him have my body no matter how uncomfortable or unhappy I was because I was scared. I starting harming, drinking and vaping to cope evently I got a grip and broke up with him, its been about a month now and so much has happened, I wish I would have seen it sooner, Im only now realizing how bad this is and what he did. I still cant look at myself naked without crying and having flash backs. I haven't told my family because idk how they will react and with how toxic my family is I just don't want to cause problems.