My mom manipulated our love and encouraged hatred for our dad

For most of my life I didn't put much thought into the traumas or hurt I grew up trying to hide from. A family that, even in my adult life, I would never escape. They loved drama. I was a peacemaker. I failed to understand how the constant conflict was worsening my depression and anxiety. Even how I perceived things were becoming more negative. She spread her paranoia and always was saying we can't trust anyone. My mom encouraged hatred for our dad. I witnessed how she turned into an almost different person , full of hate and rage, as she would curse my dad. She would later manipulate the truth and the rest of the family would feel so sorry for poor fragile mother!! She stoked their hatred and she kept them drowning in it. I was beginning to see a wicked side to my mom so I started visiting less. I was witnessing my dad steadily becoming a better man. The ups and downs I felt towards him. I hate him like I did in the past and then see reasons to love him. It took time. Some walls stayed up but I finally did forgive what he did. The monster I hated for decades was once a victim too. I was getting deeper into the rabbit hole as I was still not allowing myself to feel or think of the loved ones who had passed, my 2 homes natural disasters destroyed, trauma that caused disabilities etc... Things were about to get unbearable when, last year, my dad died of a gunshot wound to his chest. Immediately after he died my mom and sister started focusing on keeping all the inheritance. They then illegally took out home and made me and my sons homeless. Their evil greed was all that mattered. Even with 4 vacant houses, they never felt guilt for causing the 10 month long fear and hopelessness of being without shelter, electricity or running water . So many hard nights. I now had time to think about my mom and the uncomfortable feelings she triggered years ago..... Most of my abuse, she had instigated.. She just watched as I disappeared... My emptiness was replaced with extreme anxiety and hate and self destruction . She had more fault than my dad . At least he tried to make amends. My son's and I loved him. My mom I once thought was the best was my worst nightmare. I never saw all this coming!! I hope I can forgive them one day. It's all too fresh right now. I sure wish that ignoring our feelings would eventually make them vanish from existence. Actually the opposite is true... Ignored feelings intensify and grow. Even can be explosive... I'm about to take a scary step and start therapy. I'm looking for a couple of safety nets in case i have overwhelming days. I want to survive for my son's and to show my mom and sister that they couldn't destroy me... I want to start it off with no expectations.