Do you ever wonder

Do you ever wonder how life got to this point. How one bad memory aftet the other just combined together to form this huge mass of pain that lives with me to this day. I wonder all the time. What I did to warrant these things and why. I spend so much time asking why as well. I've always been that person thar's never anyone's first choice. I've never been super happy or enjoyable and maybe i'm annoying. I feel like my life now is one trigger after the other. A constant cycle of breakdowns and attempts to ground myself, then dealing with the emotional hangover only to get triggered again after. I push people away because I don't want to become a burden or an annoyance. I just feel so negative all the time and it consumes me and I feel like my problems and pain is the majority of what I talk about and how I interact with others. Like who wants to be around someone whos depressed all the time.

Thanks for reading if you do.