Child of Domestic Violence

I grew up in a household where my dad abused my mom. He never abused me directly, but he did terrify me. I don't think I ever realized the full extent of how it affected me until a few years ago. For years it was normal, just something that happened. It never occurred to me that our lives could be "different". We never talked about it. It would happen, then everyone would pretend it didn't, and that's just the way it was.

As an adult I can look back on all those years and finally realized what was actually going on. Some family members have opened up to me about the situation. My grandma surprised me a few months ago by admitting to me how sorry she was she didn't step in when it was happening. She said she watched a happy little girl slowly lose her spirit. It broke my heart. For the first time, someone acknowledged MY pain.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for. A way to move past it and accept it, I guess, especially when he's still in my life.