Bad childhoods, who needs them?
Hi everyone, Tammy here. I was born in south africa in 1987. I was sexually abused by a friend of the family when I was about 4 years old (which I only remembered when I was 13 and got sent to a psychiatrist because I was acting out at school and ran away). Since I can remember my dad and mom drank a lot and my dad use to beat my mum. A lot of the time it was in front of me. This carried on up until a few years ago. When I was six a little sister came into my life and then another little sister when I was 7. I knew at that stage that I had to grow up because I had to protect them from my dad. So I never really had a childhood. The domestic violence was really really horrible. My dad would throw my mom through glass doors, he would lock us all outside to sleep at times. He would throw hifi's and tvs at my mom. He constantly cheated on her. And he would force himself onto her when she didn't want to have sex. I was always told to keep quiet and not talk to family members about it, but a lot of them knew (how could you not right?) and couldn't really do anything. My mum would never leave my dad, no matter what, no matter how much I begged her. Seeing all the violence must affect a child in some way right? And my dad never believed in counselling. So now I am almost 27, I suffer from anxiety, I suffer from a bit of paranoia, I am insecure. I am married and I have 2 children. And I have no idea how to raise a proper family as I have never known a proper family, I only know what not to do. And I know that you have to let your children be children for as long as they can, because when it's gone, it's gone. You can't get it back.I start my first therapy session on Monday so that I can finally get my life as 'proper' as I can. And all I want to do is be there for people going through problems because there was never anyone there for me, and I really think it would've made a difference if there was. So that s my goal, become a better person, and make a difference in people's lives. Thank you for taking the time to read this, it really is appreciated.
Hi, I was sexually assaulted over a period of about 6 months time as a three year old. My grandparents didn't finally "get it" until it had been going on that long. I was left at the home of the other set of grandparents. My father's youngest brother who was about sixteen years old at the time, was bothering me when I was trying to sleep and also any time in the day when his mother was distracted. And she was distracted a lot, to the point of zoning out. My father had just died three years earlier (he was 20), and his family was still in a healing process I guess. I lived with my mother's parents. And when they finally realized I was being sexually abused, they stopped allowing me to visit my other grandparents. This caused a great misunderstanding. Back when this happened to me, people did not discuss such things. So everyone on my mother's side of the family kept it secret, including my great uncle, who was a medical doctor. When I grew up, I still remembered everything that had happened to me. When I was 3 I even remembered, and I was VERY ANGRY. I tried over the years to convince my father's family that this was true and this had happened. I was rejected over and over and over again. They began to feel I was a trouble maker and a bad person. I was left our of "the will" when my father's mother died. I ended up paying for what this person did to me. But I did begin the work of forgiving my abuser because I knew that I would never begin to heal unless I did. I thought forgiveness require the other person "to be sorry for what they had done and to repent." That is the ideal way, but it doesn't always happened. I began work in therapy for me, not him. My abuser died recently. He was buried in honor. His sister published that he had "given his heart to Jesus" at the end. This kind of made me sick because of what I suffered because of his choice(s). I hope you will begin to work on yourself if you have been sexually abused. We can't change other people, but we can heal and grow and change outselves.
Wow! Our stories are very very alike! I hope you are ok believe me I know how horrible tho is 💕
It takes a lot of guts to post anything of this sort... well I am so sorry for all that you've experienced. .may be non of us here could actually understand the pain youve been through...and I am sure things you have seen happened with your mom.. it would never happen..because as you said seeing all this a kid becomes mature early from his actual age ..just dont worry...from listeningvto your post I can clearly feel you dont really posses that behaviour in your veins... and as far as bringing up uour children is...dont worry about that as well... just go with the flow of time.. they will learn from the things they will see... be their idol... show and react as you want your kids to learn...spend time with them...atoeast once in a week go out with your family even if it is a nearby park...eat together..be their friend..they might sound small..but these things count.... you are a nice dad... and a very strong and respectable person... dont worry... hope this helped... good luck sir...
